


Golden

by Evamylee



Series: Yellow and Blue collection [1]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Drugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Smut, Substance Abuse, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:47:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 36,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27564757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evamylee/pseuds/Evamylee
Summary: There’s so much Aomine wants to say. He wants to finally tell him that he loves him too. So much that it hurts. That he wanted nothing more than to spent the rest of his life with him. He can’t. He can’t bring himself to say it out loud. He is sober after all. He knows that their love could be condemned to fail.  That it was on Kise to prove to him that he was worth it to him. He can’t do that for him.
Relationships: Aomine Daiki/Kise Ryouta
Series: Yellow and Blue collection [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2038078
Comments: 65
Kudos: 44





	1. Everytime

**Author's Note:**

> So... this is the first fanfiction I actually finished. This is not supposed to be a songfic but the chapter titles are the songs that inspired me to write them and if you listen to them it'd probaly set the mood quite well.

Everytime - Ariana Grande

-

Glasses chink and the combined voices of all the people cramped into the too tiny pub, sound like a loud hum coming from one huge animal. The air is thick with smoke and humidity. Outside it just stopped raining but there is still not a single star to be seen on the pitch-black night sky. Aomine throws his head back, taking one last swig of his now empty beer and finally turns to Satsuki who chatters happily with one of her girlfriends. Secretly he tugs at her sleeve.

“Satsuki? Are you ready?”

“Hmh?” She looks up at him, obviously a little tipsy.

“Can we go now?” he has to shout a bit because of the loud music and all the people’s voices talking above each other.

“Ah already?” She sways and her friend, a plain little girl with brown hair, just stares at Aomine and then back to Satsuki.

“You’re drunk, Imma bring you home.” He says and closes his large hand around her upper arm and the girl with the brown hair giggles obnoxiously. “Well then, see you in class Momoi-chan” she waves and Satsuki waves back at her smiling tiredly, letting herself be pulled through the crowd by Aomine. Outside the cold winter air hits their faces and Aomine has to actually catch Satsuki by her shoulders before she falls face first into a large flowerpot next to the entrance.

“Thanks Dai-chan.” She mumbles and he can see she’s trying her best to act normal.

“Come here.” He says and pulls her arm through his own, making her hold onto him, while walking side by side. Satsuki’s place isn’t far, and he decides she’ll make it by foot. If not, he can still carry her. Half her weight pulling down on his right arm he has to struggle just a little to retrieve his phone with his left hand from his right pocket as it starts buzzing.

“Who’s disturbing so damn late?” She slurs and Aomine looks down to see her having her eyes closed and he was practically leading her completely. With a soft smile that doesn’t reach his eyes he answers:

“No one, just try not to trip.” And pockets his phone again.

She hazily looks up at him.

“Is it him?” she asks persistent and Aomine doesn’t miss the little reproach in her voice.

He doesn’t answer. Satsuki stops not letting go of his arm, forcing him to stop with her.

“Don’t go. You can stay at my place tonight. We could go for a brunch tomorrow and-“

He shakes his head softly no cutting her off.

“We can meet for brunch tomorrow, but I have to. You know that.”

She looks grim as they start walking again. After a while she speaks up.

“It’s not that I don’t worry about him, you know that I do, but I worry more about you Dai-chan.”

“I know.”

“Please don’t go.”

“I have to go, you know that. What if something-“

But she cuts him off now.

“No, this is not about something happening to him. This is about you.”

Aomine wonders how she manages to talk so sober all of a sudden. It is a little annoying, but he somehow knows she’s right.

“Call me when you’re up tomorrow and if you’re capable of going out.” He teases her and stops in front of her apartment complex.

“Dai-chan!”

“I know Satsuki. I really do, but I still have to go.”

She lets go of him and only sways a little before looking back up at him.

“You’ll have to stop this eventually.”

He rolls his eyes. “Yes mom. Now go to bed.” He gently pushes her towards the door, careful to not make her fall and she shoots him a grumpy glare.

“Alright.” She sighs and pulls out her keys. “See you tomorrow then.”

She waves her hand feebly at him and disappears into the building.

Aomine remains standing there for a moment, looking after her, contemplating if he should take a taxi or walk. He decides a taxi is going to be it. He’s already getting nervous and he wants to be there as fast as possible.

The drive is only about 10 minutes and still he pays a small fortune for it. He doesn’t care when he exits and finally stands in front of a tall modern building. He rings the name that was his destination and enters the building after the buzzer lets him in.

In the elevator he tries to keep his nerves in check. He has to be the calm one. He has to be the sensible out of the two of them. The ride takes nerve-wrackingly long, this building has too many floors he thinks and when it finally stops, he quickly exits and walks to the same door as almost every night by now. He doesn’t knock, knowing the door will be open since he’s expected. In the hallway he kicks off his shoes and slips out of his leather jacket. He can see the living room is only dimly lit and he can hear music playing silently in the background.

The huge window front gave a mesmerizing view over the dark city and the glistening lights beneath. But his eyes travel over the room in search for something else, someone else.

“Heeyyy Mr. tall and dark and handsome.” Kise drawls out from where he’s lying on the huge designer couch as Aomine steps nearer.

“Hey.”

“Don’t keep me waiting like that.” Kise scolds but is sporting a wide grin on his face. Aomine sits down next to him.

“Another party?”

Kise smiles up at him, crawling closer so he could rest his head in Aomine’s lap.

“I missed the game, didn’t I?”

“You did.” Aomine isn’t angry. He starts stroking the blond hair fanned out in his lap and looks out the window front.

“I’m sorry.” Kise mumbles his eyes closed in content from Aomine’s gentle ministrations.

“You could just tell me you don’t wanna come instead of standing me up every time.” He suggests calm.

“But I wanted to come.”

Aomine knows he’s lying but doesn’t comment on it. He examines the blond man in his lap, the latter not noticing still hiding in his own world. He’s wearing skinny jeans and a white designer t shirt that probably costs more than all of Aomine’s basketball shoes together. His skin is pale but flawless, his hair soft between Aomine’s fingers and he smells faintly of smoke and expensive perfume.

“How do you feel?”

His question elicits a joyless laugh from the blond.

“You mean, what I’m on, is what you wanna know.” Kise opens his eyes and looks up into Aomine’s deep blue ones. “Something amazing. I feel like floating and being packed in cotton. Everything is glowing.” He reaches his hand up to touch Aomine’s cheek. “You are glowing.” He finishes not breaking eye contact.

“Sounds amazing.” Aomine answers, not a hint of joy in his voice.

“I’m also drunk.” Kise remarks and let’s his arm fall to his side again.

“Yeah I can smell that.”

Kise squirms and turns around to push himself up. Aomine lets the golden strands slip through his fingers and watches as Kise stands up and walks towards the kitchen surprisingly steady.

“Want something to drink?” He hears him call from the other room.

He sighs. “Got a beer?”

“Actually, I do.”

Kise comes back with two beers in hands and sits down next to Aomine, their knees touching.

“Got it especially for you. None of the people who come here usually ever drink beer.” Kise’s lips curl into a tired smile.

Aomine let’s that slide too, without having something to say to it and just clinks his bottle against Kise’s in a weak cheers.

They both take a sip and stare down at the lights.

“How’s Momocchi?”

“She’s fine. You know her, she on top of all her classes.” Aomine takes another sip. “She worries about you, you know.”

“Hmh.” Kise just hums still with that unreadable smile on his lips.

“What about the others, what about Kurokocchi and Kagamicchi?”

Aomine huffs. “They are fine too. Kagami is annoying as always, but he gets better. Akashi is training him now after practice.” A smile flashes over Aomine’s face.

“Kurokocchi?”

“Tetsu’s idea yeah.” He confirms. “Since they moved in together, they became something of a power couple. Not even Kagami dares to talk against them.”

“I can imagine.” Kise shivers a little and Aomine laughs.

“You really should come visit sometime. They still ask about you.” Aomine says, his voice serious again.

Kise doesn’t answer and Aomine knows he’s avoiding to look at him. The blond suddenly puts down his bottle and falls back into the cushions rubbing his face with his hands.

“My head’s spinning.” He mutters under his breath.

Aomine reaches out his hand and brushes blond strands of hair out of that pretty face. Kise catches his hand and pulls him down. Aomine sets his bottle on the table too and follows the unspoken invitation. Propped on one arm he leans over Kise, their faces just inches apart.

“I don’t need anyone else.” He whispers, his breath ghosting over Aomine’s lips, before he kisses him. Aomine knows how wrong it is to comply so easily. He knows that what he’s doing isn’t helping Kise in the least. He knows all he accomplishes with it is that he’ll get dragged down too. He knows.

Aomine’s tongue slides into Kise’s mouth, tasting the bitterness of beer and cigarettes. He doesn’t care. He feels Kise sighing into their kiss. He can feel him relax and let Aomine take over control. It’s long and deep and Aomine feels like losing himself in that moment just before Kise breaks away.

“You feel so good Daiki.”

Kise had grabbed his shirt in his fist, not letting him escape as he looks up at him, his eyes half lidded with lust and something else.

“I want you to fuck me.” He whispers and Aomine swallows, his throat dry and the taste of their kiss still lingers on his lips.

He’s an idiot. He can hear Satsuki’s voice in the back of his head ranting and calling him stupid and weak. And it’s true. He’s too weak to withstand this beautiful man beneath him. This wonderful, depraved man who once shared his dreams.

He stands and with ease he picks Kise up with him, who winds his long legs around Aomine’s waist. His arms come around Aomine’s neck and like that he carries him to the bedroom, the blond attacking his jaw and throat with kisses and even his teeth. Aomine suppresses a groan, focusing on not tripping. He has no hand free to switch on a light and so he carefully walks towards the bed. He lays Kise down who has his eyes closed again. Aomine slips out of his cheap, black t shirt with one swift motion before he leans down and lets his lips ghost over Kise’s neck.

“You already asleep?” he whispers into his ear before liking at the soft skin beneath it.

“Nah.” Kise drawls out. “Just enjoying the ride.”

Aomine feels him smile against his cheek. He bites down into that soft skin and Kise moans unrestrained. Cold fingers slide over his toned abs, making him flinch a little, dipping into the soft ridges of his muscles before they get a hold of his belt. Surprisingly skillful they open it and the fly of his jeans before dipping down under the hem of his boxers. A sharp breath escapes Aomine when the cold fingers close around his shaft. Either Kise doesn’t realize how cold his hands are or he simply doesn’t care. Aomine suspects the latter. Kise pulls him free and lazily starts jerking him off. The cold hand warming up along with the movement it performs. Aomine bites into the pillow next to Kise’s head, clutching the sheets as he tries his everything to not give Kise the satisfaction of making a sound.

He never does. He knows if the blond breaks down his last wall, there’s no way out for him anymore. He won’t let himself go. With all his might he reaches down between them and pulls away that aggravating hand from his cock, pinning it against the mattress. Kise laughs breathlessly.

“Always in control huh?”

Again, Aomine doesn’t answer. With adamantly darkened eyes he sits up catching his breath. Kise involuntarily bites his bottom lip at the sight. Everyone else would have probably tried to flee the scene, but Kise felt nothing but utter arousal. Aomine’s skin seemed even more tan in the dark room and his broad built towering over him exuded power and dominance. There is nothing gentle in the way Aomine practically rips open his jeans. His large and trained hands have always been a force to be reckoned with in bed. Aomine’s own pants still hanging loosely around his hips, he pulls down Kise’s, letting his erection spring free. Kise’s gasp transforms into another long moan when Aomine bends down and takes him into his mouth. Kise props himself up on his elbows, looking down, his golden eyes meeting blue ones and he almost loses the strength to keep upright at that. A drained smirk forms on Kise’s face, even now Aomine is completely in charge. He has to fight the urge to buck his hips, knowing Aomine wouldn’t appreciate it being chocked. Not like himself. As if Aomine could read his mind, two large hands grip his hips hard, thumbs digging into the flesh beneath his hipbones. Giving him the freedom to hold against them, moving searching for more friction.

Aomine always knew how to handle him. He always did exactly what Kise wanted him to. He gave him everything and took barely anything in return. Kise hates it. With a passion. Trying to move his hips against the steel grip he slumps down, pressing his palms over his eyes, trying to contain all his emotions. The unbearable pleasure, the unbearable gratification he feels towards Aomine even looking at him anymore, the anger and frustration the chemicals in his body brought him. His body is high-strung on a cocktail of drugs running through his system. The oxy kept him calm until now. In this moment he can feel something else kicking in, driving him mad and angry, not able to withstand the turmoil of emotions inside of him. Gritting his teeth, he can feel the waves of pleasure violently crashing over him.

He comes loud and hard, one hand fisted in Aomine’s dark hair, his blunt fingernails scratching over the others scalp, still trying to fight the merciless grip on his hipbones. His vision goes blank, bright dots flaring before his eyes, it almost hurts.

He needs a moment to come down. Breathing heavily, his skin prickling, he can feel numbness lick at his fingertips and toes.

Suddenly Aomine is right beside him. He didn’t even notice him move, let alone him lying down, right next to him. Warm fingers brush his sweaty strands of hair out of his eyes and the touch ever so gently, makes Kise bite his tongue not to cry.

“You alright?” he hears the low rumble of Aomine’s breathtaking baritone right next to his ear.

“Yeah.” He sighs, realizing he’s shaking.

“Maybe you should try to sleep.”

“And you?”

“Don’t worry about me.” The low and soothing tone of Aomine’s voice doesn’t quite help, still being on the verge of tearing up.

Kise wants to fight him, wants to prove to him how much he wanted to make him feel good too. He wants him to understand that he’s not a tool to him. How much he really wants him. He can’t. His limps are filled with lead, his body slack and he can’t even muster the strength to pull himself up to lay down properly.

He can feel Aomine pulling the blanket over his freezing and trembling form, before a warm and heavy arm weighs down on him pulling him against Aomine’s equally warm chest. Only after Aomine carefully nudges his head, so his face is against Aomine’s own shoulder, holding him close and gently sifting his fingers through his hair, he feels the wetness on his face and realizes he’s already crying. Aomine’s skin smells heavenly and comforts him a little. Knowing he’s still allowed to be this close to him, despite his rotten decisions in life.

“Ne Daiki?”

“Hmh?”

He can feel the sound Aomine makes vibrate in his chest.

“Do you hate me?”

There’s a small pause and Kise already wants to hyperventilate but then Aomine speaks and he can feel his hot breath getting caught in his hair at the crown of his head.

“What makes you think that I could ever hate you?”

“I would… if I were you…” he mumbles weakly, slipping away.

“I don’t hate you, idiot.”

Kise thinks he huffs, smiling against Aomine’s warm skin, but he isn’t sure if his body still converts his brain’s impulses into actual motions. His cold and numb body, that is too exhausted to do anything else. There is so much more he wanted to say, but he is drowned by complete darkness, falling into a dreamless comatose sleep.


	2. Quit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's a little plot and next chapter we'll have a little smut. I decided updates will be daily because the chapters are so short.

Quit - Cashmere Cat feat. Ariana Grande

-

The hopeless feeling is almost too much to take in moments like this. Kise finally stops shaking as Aomine can feel him drifting off to sleep, his breathing becoming deep and slow. Even this makes him nervous, not wanting to sleep himself. What if Kise stops breathing in his sleep, what if anything happens and he’s not conscious, not noticing, not able to help.

He sighs, knowing this doesn’t lead to anything. He has to sleep too. His erection is long gone since the moment he saw in which state Kise was after he came. These moments were bad but sadly not the worst. Aomine has seen him after he came down from his high. He has seen the ugly and furious face he was capable of. And still, he couldn’t bring himself to leave. Everyone told him over and over again that what he is doing is the wrong way to go about this. He knows they are all right, Tetsu, Akashi, Satsuki. But he won’t. In a way they are the same. Only his drug is Kise. There is nothing pretty or fulfilling in their relationship. Heck, they aren’t even in an official relationship. But it doesn’t matter to him. Kise saved him and he desperately wants to return that favor. After Tetsu, had nudged him out of his stupor back in high school, Kise was the one who showed him the way back into the light. No, Kise was his light. His apathy and frustration were triumphantly swept away by the blond when he didn’t give up on him. He pestered him over and over again, trying and failing so many times to beat him. And one day he did. It was in their last year of high school. Kise brought his perfect copy to its full potential combining it with entering the zone and beat Aomine in a very short but very intense one on one. Aomine realized then that he’d always felt excitement going against his former teammate. He always did and he would always have.

If it wouldn’t have been for that damn car accident. Some drunk asshole just had to happen to come along their way after they left practice. He just had to lose control of his car when they were right in front of him. He can still feel the rage seething through him, when he remembers the sight of Kise laying on the ground, his legs beneath the car, after he’d pushed Aomine to the side. The car was coming from behind him, so he would’ve never seen it coming, but Kise who stood in front of him did. That asshole destroyed everything, their future, his dreams.

Even back then, at the hospital, Kise was the one comforting him. That’s when Aomine realized that he had feelings for him. After they graduated, he decided he wanted to tell him. He wanted to try and make things still work out for them, but Kise withdrew himself from their group. They suddenly got to see each other much less. All of their friends including Aomine himself went to university. Aomine and Satsuki, along with Kuroko, Akashi, Kagami, Midorima and Takao all went to the same university in Tokyo and continued to play basketball together, except for Satsuki who started to study law.

Kise took on more and more jobs from his modeling agency and quickly became very successful. And also, awfully busy. So busy that they didn’t see each other for almost a year. Aomine always searched for a way to get a hold of him, but Kise blocked him out, always having some excuse. Then one day he called Aomine late at night. Asking him to come over at almost midnight, and Aomine followed his request without a second thought. That was also the night they had sex for the first time. Aomine thought this was it and they would finally reconnect and maybe get another chance. The first time he’d set foot into his huge upscale Shinjuku loft, he couldn’t really believe this was the new life of his once teammate and best friend.

Kise hadn’t been the same anymore. There was grief and anger underneath his smiling and carefree façade. Aomine saw right through him at the time, giving himself even more reason to keep coming back. Every time Kise called him, drunk and miserable he dropped everything and hurried to his side. At first, he really thought he was helping him, he really thought he could accomplish something for them. But over time things got worse. Drunken Kise became high Kise when he called him. Aomine broke off a fight with him the first time he found him stoned and also drunk, after some snobbish party with his colleagues from his model agency and a few other important people from the fashion high society. That’s where Kise was introduced to drugs. It didn’t take long, and weed wasn’t the only thing Kise took to numb his pain. Cocaine Aomine hated the most. It made Kise insufferable and aggressive. Their worst fights they had when he was on cocaine. Most of the other stuff just made him dull and sometimes horny. Somehow it became routine.

Aomine doesn’t remember when he started to build up his defenses between him and Kise. It wasn’t a conscious decision he made. Sometimes he wondered how they will end. If they will stay together or if they are destined to part ways sometime in the future. This notion still makes his heart throb, restricting his throat and pushing the inescapable feeling of depression back onto him. He’s not ready to let go. Maybe he’ll never be. Maybe Kise will just drag him down with him, to rock bottom. Until there is nothing left.

The blaring ring of his phones alarm makes him jerk awake. He reaches down into his pocket to retrieve his phone from his pants which he slept in. He quickly kills the alarm and looks down on himself to see if Kise woke up. Aomine lays sprawled out in bed, but Kise still was curled up against his side, obviously not having moved in his sleep at all. The worry suddenly flooding him wakes him up fully. He carefully sits up, holding Kise’s head so it won’t fall down from laying on his right arm. Aomine feels a dull pull in his gut at how routinely it had become for him to check the others vital signs after he wakes up. He ignores it and proceeds with the task, pushing his index and pointer finger into the soft skin under Kise’s jawline. The pulse is there and an all too familiar wave of relief floods him. He holds his crooked finger under Kise’s nose and can feel slow and shallow hot breath hitting his skin. However, he did not wake up, not from the alarm and not from Aomine’s examination, but that is nothing new to him. Aomine means he should have long been jaded from checking the blond for signs of life, but he isn’t. Every time he feels incredible anxious, as if his own heart would stop dead in his chest if he’d ever found the other one’s not beating anymore.

He gets out of bed, walking into the bathroom to brush his teeth. There’s a small shelf with just his things, a toothbrush, some shower gel and shampoo and some deodorant. Just the essentials really. The same goes for clothes. There’s half a drawer with a few shirts, a jean and some underwear of his, so he always has a fresh change of clothes when Kise calls him unexpectedly.

After brushing his teeth, he decides a shower wouldn’t hurt him, or Satsuki who he’s about to pick up, for that matter. She texted him half an hour ago, that she’s awake and wants to meet up in about an hour from now. Aomine doesn’t bother with being silent, not expecting Kise to wake up before he leaves. And he’s right. When he returns to the bedroom to retrieve his fresh clothes, the blond still lays in bed exactly like he left him. The constant throb in his chest getting a little more persistent, a little harder to ignore at the sight. When he’s ready he walks around the bed again, leaving a note on the bedside table for Kise, asking him to call or text him when he wakes up. He knows this is in vain, because Kise never follows this request, making him suffer just a little more throughout the day. And still, he puts the note down, puts a glass of water right next to it before he leans down once more to cup Kise’s cheek with the palm of his hand. He can feel him breath, slightly calming him down. He places a feathery soft kiss on his forehead and finally turns away to leave.

Satsuki isn’t as hungover as he expected her to be, just a little tired. They go to one of their regular places near campus. The bagels and smoothies there are pretty good and Aomine catches himself thinking how much Kise would like it here. This green hipster shit is right up his alley. He pushes the thought to the back of his head, forcing himself to be present. He knows Satsuki is avoiding to ask him about last night, and he’s thankful for it. He’s long given up on trying to come up with excuses or defending his actions. There is nothing to defend after all. He’s also grateful for her, accepting his struggle and even trying to distract him from time to time. As much as it pains him to separate from Kise, he needs these moments of saneness and clarity. They help him to keep going, remind him that there is still a life to live apart from anxiety and sadness. Remind him that he wants nothing more than to pull Kise out of his demise, rather than keep spiraling further down with him. If he only knew how.


	3. Scary Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, please listen to the song for this chapter if you feel like it. This is really a mood right here.

Scary love – The Neighbourhood

-

“Dai-chan?”

“What?”

Satsuki snaps her fingers in the air in front of his face, making him realize that he’d drifted off.

“Sorry.” He apologizes tiredly and rubs his eyes with his right hand. He knows she’s observing him intently.

“That bad?”

Aomine takes in a deep breath before he straightens his back a little and looks at her.

“Nah, not really.” He mutters breathlessly before averting his gaze back to the cup of coffee in front of him. He’s not so stupid to not know she can see right through him.

“It really wasn’t that bad, I mean… it could’ve been worse. He was docile.”

He can see the spark of anger flaring in her eyes, knowing all too well what she wants to say to that. Not fighting or not ending up in hospital isn’t immediately good.

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but this needs to end Dai-chan.”

He doesn’t answer.

“I can see that you’re not good, even if you try to convince me otherwise. I’m not sure if this isn’t worse than… back in high school. Back then we knew you had a way out, because you too hadn’t given up on yourself really, but this? This isn’t something you can fix.”

It hurts to hear that. It hurts so much because he knows everything she says is true. But still.

“I can’t quit.”

“Are you repeating what he says to you?” Her eyes bore into his, the subtext of her words unambiguous.

“What do you expect me to do, huh? Just leave him? Do you think I could ever forgive myself?” he isn’t angry. He’s just drained.

They are interrupted by his phone announcing an incoming text message. Both look at the display and Aomine quickly snatches it from her view. It’s Kise asking him where he is. The letters are jumbled, yet still readable and again panic rises inside him. Blowing up in his chest, restricting his throat and numbing his fingers as he shakily replies.

“Guess this means you’re leaving again.” He hears Satsuki mumbling, more to herself than to him.

He looks up at her over his phone and halts. “This seems to be an emergency.” He hates how much he can hear the plea in his own voice.

“It always is, isn’t it?” She doesn’t meet his gaze and just waves her hand, shooing him away. “I’ll pay, just leave.”

Aomine stands up and rounds the table, he embraces her head with one arm, pulling her towards him and places a kiss on top of her head. She still refuses to look at him, her arms crossed over her chest, but she closes her eyes hiding in his short embrace. She bites back her tears, her anger and lets him leave.

Again, Aomine takes a taxi, not having a second to waste, he knows Kise had set his buzzer to automatically open if he presses the button, so when he’s let in this doesn’t mean anything. He curses the damn slow nuisance of an elevator, kicking against the shiny metal paneling, leaving a small dent. The soft ding announcing he’s arrived finally resounds and he exits his body turned sideways, not wanting to wait for the doors to open fully. Inside he doesn’t waste time taking off his shoes and rushes into the empty living room. Hectically he heads for the bedroom, which is empty too, he almost starts to hyperventilate before he hears something coming from the bathroom. He quickly opens the door and finally finds Kise sitting on the floor, his back propped against the white tiles. His nose is bleeding and Aomine has to stop for a second to collect himself. His heart is pounding, and he can hear a ringing in his ears, before he realizes Kise is conscious, breath shallow and starring emptily, but still awake.

Aomine sinks down on his knees next to him and places his hand on the others forehead, stroking back his hair to look into his eyes. Something distantly resembling of a smile flashes over Kise’s face. His pupils are dilated and his eyes bloodshot.

“I thought I could escape… for just a bit.” He rasps, his head lolling back against the tiles. “It hurt s-so much…”

Aomine shushes him, reaching up to the cupboard next to him, knowing there’s a tissue box. He pulls one out and wipes away the blood on the blond’s face.

“It h-hurts so bad.” Kise breathes and his eyes fall shut. Aomine sits down and pulls him into his lap, Kise’s back resting against him and winds his arms around his torso.

“I’m here.” He whispers, not knowing how this is supposed to help.

“Why?”

Aomine feels a sting in his heart.

“Because you texted me, remember?”

“No… why are you still h-here?”

Aomine doesn’t need to question how he meant that. And yet, he can’t give the obvious answer he screams in his head, every time. He’d told him too many times before, just in his head. Aomine knows why.

“Y-you must h-hate me… so much.”

“I already told you I don’t hate you.”

“Then you’re stupid.” There suddenly is newfound vigor in Kise’s tone. Aomine feels him cramping up. He presses himself into Aomine’s chest, his breathing starting to hitch.

“I hate myself… it hurts…”

Aomine fights harder than ever to suppress his tears, swallowing around the lump in his throat, he prays his voice will come out somewhat normal.

“I don’t. I could never hate you.” He has to stop, hiding the waver in his voice.

A faint chuckle vibrates against Aomine and Kise starts coughing. He loosens his embrace to give the other room to breathe. Kise suddenly grabs his wrist, his fingers cold as ice, he makes advances to get up.

Aomine stands up, pulling him with and holding him so he won’t fall. Kise shoves him away.

The look on his face, let’s Aomine’s blood freeze. There is hate and disgust underlined by the dark circles under his eyes.

“Is it fun? Seeing me that way? Is that why you keep coming back?”

“What? No!” Aomine is perplexed, silently trying to remember that this is not his Kise speaking to him.

“It must be so much fun to see me like that, knowing you’re so much better than me.”

“Ryouta, you’re delirious. Stop.”

“Sure I am.” He glowers at Aomine, the usual gold in his eyes now dull and barely recognizable.

“If I’m so delirious why are you still here? Fucking answer me!”

Seems like the substance is kicking in fully now and Kise suddenly has no problem standing by himself anymore.

“You know why.” Aomine answers stern.

“Just get lost I don’t need you here.” Kise makes a violent motion towards him and Aomine has to refrain from flinching, steeling himself for what he knows is going to happen now.

“I have new friends. I don’t need any of you anymore.” Kise tells the ceiling looking deranged.

“Yeah? Where are they now?” It takes all his might to not punch something.

Another destroying glare is shot his way before Kise starts walking towards the door. Aomine follows mechanically. Arriving in the living room, Kise starts rummaging through a shelf before retrieving a small metal box. Aomine is behind him in an instant, grabbing his wrist. His posture exudes pressuring dominance and Kise would have cowered if he weren’t so far gone right now.

“You’ve had enough.” Aomine tells him, his voice dripping with ire.

“Ts.” Kise smirks condescendingly, attempting to tear his arm free, but unsuccessfully so.

Aomine can see the frustration in his face quickly becoming something else. Something way more unsettling.

“Ne Aominecchi, maybe you should try it too. We could get high together and fuck.” Kise purred suddenly all up in his face, looking maliciously profligate.

“You could come with me.” He drawls out sinking his face to Aomine’s throat and letting his lips ghost over Aomine’s Adams apple.

Aomine jerks his arm that is still caught in his hand and pulls him away from himself.

Kise laughs at him. “Coward.”

Aomine shut down completely by now. He has nothing to say anymore. This is not his Kise. Not the boy who ran after him like a puppy, wanting to challenge him to another one on one. Not the friend who pushed him out of the way, probably saving his life while sacrificing his own. Not the Kise he fell in love with. But somehow… still the man he wants to protect.

He reaches over with his free hand pulling the small box out of Kise’s hand and flips it open with his thumb. There’s white powder inside a small plastic bag. Kise is watching him observing the box’s contents.

“It feels like flying and diving under water at the same time. All your doubts and fears being washed away.” Kise seems more like he’s talking to the powder in Aomine’s hand rather than him.

“The best reason not to follow your stupid offer is you.” He snaps the box shut again and slips it into his pocket, making Kise laugh again.

“You really think that’s all I got.”

“I know you got more.” Aomine sighs, letting go of his wrist.

Kise’s lips are on his before he can react. He wants to push him away, but right then the blond bites his bottom lip, making him gasp in pain. He’d drawn blood.

“There it is.” Kise smirks wickedly, licking his lips, leaving Aomine stunned. “Give me more of that.” He leans in again and Aomine screams at himself in his head, to get the fuck away. To push Kise away and just _leave_!

Their bodies crush flush against each other. Kise grabbing the nape of his neck and kissing him hard, eliciting another pained grunt from him. Aomine’s hands come up to pull the other even closer, moving up and down his body, without his deliberate consent. Kise moans into their kiss and Aomine forgets his resolve, groaning back as he feels his hard erection pressing up against his thigh. There’s no reason anymore, no thoughts, just primal greed and lust. Subsequently Aomine would have liked to call it passion, but it isn’t. It’s frustration and pain they both share in this moment, equally high on their own personal drug of choice.

Kise starts fumbling with Aomine’s belt buckle, letting him free before suddenly his lips are gone and Aomine opens his eyes to find him kneeling in front of him. The smirk, he’s still sporting, not something you’d probably want to see in a situation like this. Kise’s fingers curl around the hem of his jeans and he yanks him closer.

“I want you to give me your everything this time.” Kise’s hot breath hitting the skin of his painfully hard dick, sends a shudder down his spine. Just a heartbeat later he’s engulfed with wet hot tightness. Kise doesn’t stop to let him catch his breath and swallows him whole until his nose hits Aomine’s hard abdomen. Aomine lets out a drawn-out moan, biting his lip only to be remembered that this is still painful too. He tries to breath evenly and control his urge to thrust forward. But when he looks down and finds Kise’s eyes gazing back up at him half lidded, his last thread tears and he fists a hand full of blond hair between his fingers. He slowly pulls out, holding Kise’s head in place, the tightness almost not letting him go, and then thrusts back in. There’s barely any resistance and Aomine refuses to think about how often Kise must have done this before, to achieve this unique talent. The blond only leisurely moves his head to meet Aomine’s desperate thrust, slowly dragging his tongue along the underside of his cock, luring him to come back each time.

Aomine groans again, pulling out in an insane attempt to pause, but Kise doesn’t let him escape, sucking on his tip, sliding his tongue over his slit down to the sensitive skin right under his head. Aomine’s knees get weak and he doesn’t know how he manages to keep standing before he guides his head to swallow him again. Kise’s hands still clutching Aomine’s jeans suddenly push and make him fall with his back against the book shelve, the blond skillfully following him on his knees, so to not let go of him. Something falls to the ground, no one cares.

Aomine is so far gone, his mind hazy, his breath hot, mindlessly thrusting into Kise’s mouth with just short moments of breath for him in between. Aomine moans hoarsely as he pushes his load down Kise’s throat, who accepts it readily, swallowing around him, constricting him even more.

After that, Aomine’s back slides down the shelve as he sinks to the ground, Kise pulling away at the same time. The silence in the room is only disturbed by their heavy breathing. Then Kise moves, crawling closer straddling his lap, and starts planting soft kisses along Aomine’s jawline.

“Don’t call me that.” He pants breathlessly.

“What?” Kise stops, looking up at Aomine’s flushed face that is turned to the side, avoiding him.

“You called me Aominecchi before. Don’t do that.”

Kise smiles and starts nibbling on Aomine’s earlobe, sending a small aftershock through his high-strung body. “Everything you want Daiki.”

Aomine’s eyes fall shut, knowing how damned he is.


	4. Joke's on you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mood song for this chapter is Joke's on you from Charlotte Lawrence
> 
> next chapter will be up soon. I decided to put up two chapters a day. I didn't realize how short they are before posting them.

Joke's on you - Charlotte Lawrence

-

They don’t stop for long, moving to the couch, where Aomine returns his favor and makes Kise cry out in frenzied pleasure, the cocaine still running strong in his blood. There are moments where Aomine isn’t sure if he’d over done it. He’d seen Kise on cocaine before, it usually didn’t last that long. It also usually doesn’t do to him what he’d found him like in the bathroom. But Kise doesn’t stop, and he also gives him no sign as if he couldn’t take it anymore, quite the opposite actually.

Aomine gives up. His last, paper thin walls of protection, being ripped apart by this beautifully depraved man. He literally throws his hands up, letting him take everything he wants, everything he needs. Willingly giving it to him even. Somewhere in between the blur of hours fading together, he takes his constantly ringing phone, shuts it off and throws it somewhere on the couch behind them. Kise laughs his bright and joyful laughter and Aomine thinks he can hear real happiness in it. That though breaking him further, not only crushing every last tiny bit of his resolve, but making him want to finally give in. He doesn’t care about anything anymore. All the good meant advices, all the worries, all the possibilities mean nothing right now. All he wants is to take Kise. Make him his, devouring his moans and sighs. Revel in the sweet taste of his kisses and smell the sublime scent of his skin. Seeing his gorgeous, ripped body move. Taste that pale and pristine skin, feeling how soft it is beneath his fingertips.

Their breaks are filled with soft kisses and loving touches. Kise’s anger is gone, now that he got what he wanted. He even laughs at Aomine who, at some point, forces him to drink some water, but he indulges him. He’s almost as lighthearted and benevolent as Aomine remembers him to be, years ago. He loses himself in those moments, forgetting about the ugly truth, forgetting their present lives. He needs this, he thinks he deserves this.

Only late into the evening they find themselves lying next to each other in Kise’s king sized bed, naked and content and warm. Aomine has his arm propped up, lying on his side, Kise in front of him on his back.

“I can’t believe Kagamicchi thought he’d get away with that.“ Kise’s light laugh rings through the room and infects Aomine.

“I mean what did he think Akashicchi would do?” He wipes a tear from the corner of his eye.

Aomine grins down on him “And then Tetsu saw how his man practically picked him apart and you know what that little ass did?”

Kise’s shakes his head no, trying to contain another burst of laughter.”

“He fucking walked away, wishing him good luck.”

Kise snorts with laughter, holding his stomach. Aomine ups the ante once more.

“And Bakagami actually starts crying.”

“Please stop.” Kise wheezes. Aomine still grinning lets him catch his breath.

“Well, we’ve all been there at some point.” Kise concludes after he can somewhat control his fit again.

“Mhm.” Aomine hums, still smiling.

“Daiki?”

“Hmh?”

“Do you think Kurokocchi would still talk to me?”

The smile slowly slips from Aomine’s face. He knows why Kise asked specifically about Kuroko. His former shadow is not particularly being known for his forgiveness.

“I’m not sure.” He answers truthfully. “If you’d make the first move, I’m sure he’ll at least listen to you.”

There’s a heavy pause between them.

“Do I have to apologize?”

Aomine is surprised to hear honest doubt in his question.

“Well, you did kinda cut them out of your life, without ever explaining why.”

“Do I really have to?”

Aomine searches Kise’s face for any sign of inebriation. There’s nothing, just his golden eyes looking up at him, patiently waiting for his answer.

“I don’t think so.”

The corner of Kise’s lip twitches but doesn’t form a real smile.

“But that’s just me.” He can see Kise’s face relax.

“You’re all I really need.” The blond says and closes his eyes, shifting closer.

Aomine doesn’t know what to answer. This is not the first time he tells him that, but he’d never been sober when he said it.

“Why do you keep saying that?” he asks quietly.

“Because it’s true.”

“Be honest, you’re still high.”

Kise laughs with his beautiful voice, again tearing at Aomine’s heartstrings.

“’M not. I’m really fucking tired though.” He chuckles before looking like he’s about to drift off.

Aomine places a kiss on his forehead and let’s his fingertips wander over his still slightly colored cheekbones.

“Then sleep.”

Kise squirms. “Daiki?”

“Hmh?”

“I’m sorry.” His words are just a whisper. “I really didn’t mean what I said to you.”

Aomine can’t help but sling his arm around Kise and pull him in. “I know that.”

Kise twists so he’s facing Aomine’s shoulder, mumbling into the warm skin touching his lips. “I don’t think you know how much I didn’t mean that.” He can’t do nothing against the sting in his throat and the tears welling up in his eyes.

“Just forget about it.”

“You still never answered my question though.”

Aomine listens up, confused to what he is talking about.

“Why are you still putting up with me? And please don’t say because our sex is just that good, I know that’s not it.”

Aomine would have laughed if his heart wouldn’t feel so heavy right now. “You know why.”

“That’s what you said before.”

Aomine damns this fucking drug, sharpening Kise’s brain, not even letting him forget.

“I could never forgive myself, leaving you. That’s not how I want things to end.”

Kise simpers though his silent tears.

“That’s not what I wanted to hear from you.”

Aomine remains silent. The sadness clawing itself back into his core, making him remember why he can’t give him the answer he wants to hear, the answer he wants to give him. The truth.


	5. Bitches broken hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a little angst and fluff never hurt nobody right?  
> Next we'll get to see a little bit more of Kise's perspective and a bit more plot over all. For now please take this little piece of my otp being in pain.

Bitches broken hearts – Billie Eilish

-

The sky is grey. It must’ve rained overnight. Aomine can’t tell how late it is. His phone is still somewhere in the living room, turned off. He can’t see the alarm clock on the bed side table on Kise’s side, because said man is still laying half on top of him. He suspects it to still be early though.

It’s a strange feeling, nagging at him. The feeling you have when you find yourself in a situation you’ve never been in before. He has time to think. It’s a little unsettling how calm everything is. The man sleeping here with him, the room, the world, himself. He doesn’t look at Kise’s sleeping face. He just feels him, the weight of his body on top of his, the deep breathing and the soft sound it makes. His scent, his warmth, a golden strand of hair, softly tickling his neck, not enough to be irritating though.

This is new. Kise sleeping like, well like a normal person. Not comatose or cramping up or barely breathing or freezing and shaking. It’s nice. Too nice. Nothing Aomine wants to get too attached to, not knowing if a moment like this will ever be again.

He isn’t sure how he should feel about yesterday. On one hand he’d thrown everything overboard he’d fought for so hard, for himself. On the other he hasn’t felt so alive in such a long time now. Kise hasn’t felt so alive.

He knows how bad this will turn out. Just like Kise has to suffer his comedowns, so does their relationship. So does he. Kise won’t be healed just after one afternoon of intense and passionate fucking. Not because they spent a few nostalgic moments together, talking about their time in high school, about basketball, about their friends. Not because Aomine means that he’d felt something… something special last night. This isn’t over.

He absentmindedly starts chewing on his bottom lip only to be reminded by a sharp flare of pain, how violent this all started. No, these had been just a few hours against the past three years. Nothing has changed. A mix of emotions raged inside him, anger, sadness, hopelessness, regret. On the outside he’s calm staring at the gray cloudy sky.

Kise’s shifts in his sleep, making him look down at him after all. There’s a soft frown on his forehead, the smallest pinch between his brows. His pretty lips are slightly parted, and his cheeks actually have a tinge of color to them. This reassures Aomine, that maybe, this morning isn’t going to be so bad as he awaits it to be. Against everything Kise said last night, and how he talked soberly with him, Aomine knows the comedown will hit him sooner or later. That it didn’t happen last night only means Kise had taken so much, it lasted him throughout the whole day. Aomine knows if he wouldn’t have come, he’d probably taken more. He could have od’d, alone in his apartment. Maybe not, maybe he’s awfulizing everything out of habit by now.

Kise had almost broken their unspoken rule that he’d never use in front of him. He wanted to and he even wanted to inveigle him too. That was a first, and hopefully the last time. It’s almost happening unnoticed, but Kise is overstepping the marks little by little. First it was just alcohol, who would blame him for that. After what he’s been through, after what he’d lost. Then it was just weed. Another thing that didn’t really threaten his life and so Aomine didn’t say anything after he yelled at him for what felt like a whole evening. He saw that this wasn’t really doing much harm. It only made him tired and he wasn’t even hungover the next day. Then the party drugs began. First Kise didn’t call him on these days, knowing Aomine wouldn’t approve. But when they hit stronger and more each time, he stopped caring and it was already too late to say something. In the beginning Kise mostly just called him when he already came crashing down and need him for support. Those moments weren’t suitable for arguments. Most of the times Kise was in pain and/or crying or just drained to the point he barely could move on his own. Aomine missed the point where he started calling him right after his parties, still high on whatever he was on that night. Apparently he now also takes them during the day. As long as he’s able to perform for his shootings, Aomine guesses that nobody has a problem with it. After all these people were the ones who pulled him into this mess.

But what when he stops performing well? What when he goes too far one day, when Aomine isn’t by his side? He can’t be with him all the time 24/7. Not like this.

A small, strained sound comes from the blond and he moves, curling up and slipping from Aomine’s chest. Aomine remains like he is until Kise cracks open his eyes and Aomine’s fear is confirmed that this isn’t going to be a good morning. His gaze is dull, and he looks absent. Aomine doesn’t say anything, just slides down a little so they are eye to eye. This moment suddenly feels surreal, as if they are talking without words.

_“It’s bad, isn’t it?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“There is nothing I can do, right?”_

_“No.”_

_“I can’t stay today.”_

_“I know.”_

There’s sadness in his golden eyes. He can see Kise surrender.

Aomine gently lets his fingers travel over the picture-perfect outline of Kise’s temple over his cheekbones, down his jawline, further down his neck and to his collarbone, where he stops and puts his hand against his immaculate flat chest, feeling the others heartbeat flutter against his palm.

“I don’t want to leave.” He says out loud.

Something ugly flashes over Kise’s face before he turns his head and buries it in his pillow. Aomine leans forward, kissing the side of his head, the smell of his shampoo still faintly hitting his nose. Kise’s hands come up and push Aomine’s hand away from him. He fully turns his body so he’s lying on his stomach and clawing his fingers into the skin of his chest, beneath his body.

Aomine sees the moment he starts crying, how his body convulses and how his back raises and sinks from his ragged breathing. He’s quiet, but Aomine feels as if the pain travels the short distance between them, sinking into himself. If he could somehow, drain this feeling from him, and absorb it into himself for him, he wouldn’t hesitate a second. Maybe this is the worst part, being so fucking helpless. Just watching him and not being able to do anything.

He embraces Kise, feeling the tremors of his silent tears, holding him down as if this could somehow stop it. Kise suddenly, raises his head slightly from the pillow, inhaling a sharp breath that gets caught in his throat. He spasms and Aomine has to let go of him so Kise can grab his own hair, twisting to his side again, whimpering.

“What can I do?” Aomine asks desperately.

“Headache.” Is all Kise presses out, slowly tugging at his hair and rubbing his temples.

Aomine gets up quickly, heads for the bathroom and searches the pharmacy for some painkillers. He rushes to the kitchen, gets a glass of water and hurries back to give it to Kise. It takes a moment before the blond sits up, his eyes pressed closed and forces down the pills with the smallest amount of water. He immediately falls back into his pillow, still clutching his head and restlessly squirming in pain.

Aomine still standing at the side of his bed, looks down, not knowing if he should just forget about his phone in the living room, forget about all the missed calls it probably has for him. He should just ignore it all and stay. That’s exactly what Satsuki predicted for him to happen months ago. Him giving up on his own obligations, his own life. Slowly he’ll see the effects of Kise’s addiction slosh over to his own life. His own sanity. Isn’t he supposed to be the strong one? Doesn’t he have to stay sane to be able to make a change?

As if moving an alien body, he walks back into the living room and picks up his phone from under the couch and mechanically puts in the code to unlock it. 17 missed calls from Satsuki, 2 from Kuroko and one from Akashi. As if he is splashed with a bucket of ice water he suddenly remembers their training today. They agreed to practice this Sunday because they have another match coming up this following week. It’s only 10:12 am but he has to be there at 11:00. He suppresses the slight flare of panic, thinking about Akashi and then Satsuki and walks back into the bedroom.

Kise actually looks at him as he enters and Aomine knows that he knows that he has to leave now.

“Imma take a shower, I’ll be quick.” He promises, before disappearing into the bathroom. He tries to be as fast as possible, brushing his teeth, showering with the speed of lightning and getting dressed. He only needs about 12 minutes, before he sits down next to Kise on the edge of the bed.

“Do you need anything before I go?”

Kise shakes his head no, before flinching and pushing his face into the pillow again. Aomine sifts his fingers through his hair.

“Please call me if you need something.”

…

“Please.” He stresses.

“Kay.” Kise says, his voice muffled by the pillow. Aomine checks that the others phone is next to him and charged, before he bends down one last time, kissing the crown of his head and finally walks out, feeling as if he’s leaving behind a piece of himself.


	6. Graveyard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fist appearance of Akashi, Kuroko and the others. Finnaly the plot is moveing forward a bit.

Graveyard - Halsey

-

Aomine manages to catch the last train with which he can still make it, just in time. He runs the way from the station and arrives, completely out of breath. He slams open the door to the changing room and finds it almost empty, except for Kagami.

“You’re here.” The redhead states seemingly surprised.

“No shit… sherlock.” Aomine replies snarky between panting. He walks over to his locker and slumps down on the bench beneath it.

“Can you… tell the… others… I’ll be there in just… a sec.” He slouches over and props his arms on his knees trying to catch his breath. Kagami still just stares at him until Aomine snaps:

“What?”

“Well… I mean, we all thought you wouldn’t come to be honest. Momoi-chan called Kuroko and he told Aka-“

“Urgh!” Aomine’s groan cutting him off. “Why does she have to be so annoying?” Aomine lets his head thump against the cool metal from the lockers behind him.

“What?” he huffs, now getting annoyed by Kagami who continues to stare at him.

“Nothing, nothing.” Kagami raises his hands in defense. “Just… ah nothing. I’m gonna go, tell the others you’re here.”

Aomine lets him leave, watching his back disappear through the double door leading to the gym. He sighs, collecting himself and stands up to quickly get changed.

“Aomine-kun?”

“Fucking hell! Tetsu!” Aomine jumps. Kuroko suddenly appearing next to him almost gives him a heart attack. He clutches his hand over his pounding heart as he looks down at his small friend.

“Can we talk?”

Great, he really needs to have a talk with Satsuki later.

“I want to change, Tetsu.”

“There’s no need for that now.”

“What?”

“Seijuro said we both can come later. He asked me to talk to you actually.”

 _Ordered_ would be more accurate, Aomine suspects. He sinks down on the bench again and Kuroko sits next to him.

“Did you come from Kise-kun?”

Aomine stares up at the ceiling, not knowing if he should just lie. It wouldn’t work on Kuroko, but he could still just deny it and act as if he just wants to get to practice already.

“Guess that’s a yes.” Kuroko concludes from his silence.

“So what? Last time I checked it wasn’t illegal to visit your friends.”

“Aomine-kun, we both know this is not what you did.”

“I did nothing.” He can feel Kuroko’s unsettling icy blue eyes bore into him. An exasperated breath escapes him, his head slumping down.

“What is it you want to say to me? Just spit it out.”

“We are all worried about you, you know? You need to find a way to end this. We want to help you.”

Anger flares up in his chest, making him bite back profanities he knows Kuroko wouldn’t be quick to forgive.

“You’re worried? Don’t make me laugh. Everyone is worried about me. That’s so fucking nice of you.”

“Aomine-kun please calm down.” But Aomine is on his feet and punches the locker in front of him. The dull _clang_ resounding loud in the empty changing room.

“Why are you worried about me?” he shouts frustrated.

…

“Why is no one worried about him?”

…

“Answer me!”

“Because there’s nothing we can do to help. Nothing you can do.”

The sobriety in Kuroko’s tone is aggravating Aomine to the point he can’t even feel the throbbing pain in his knuckles. The truth of his words driving hot tears into his eyes. He blinks them away and does not look at Kuroko when he says:

“I have to.”

“Because you love him?”

“SHUT UP!”

His fist falls to his side. He does not know what to say anymore.

“Just please… shut up.”

Kuroko stays silent, then the door opens, and both look up.

“Tetsuya.” Akashi softly smiles at his boyfriend before his eyes travel to Aomine. “Daiki.”

“Hey.” Aomine greets him weakly, wiping his eyes on his sleeve still not ready to turn around and face them.

Akashi enters and stands between them. “We heard this conversation is going quite like I expected it to be.” He smiles at Aomine who gives him a brief side glance knowing this is not meant as a friendly gesture.

“What now? Are you gonna order me to stay away from him? You can’t do that.”

“I know Daiki.”

“Then what?”

“I came to order you not to yell at my beloved.” He looks at Kuroko who still stares at Aomine’s back until the latter turns around to them both.

“I’m sorry Tetsu.”

“It’s fine.” Kuroko answers deadpan.

“So no preaching, can we go get to training then already?” he still avoids eye-contact with both of them. Akashi’s tone is definite:

“Sure. There’s no help for an addict who is too far gone.” With that he turns around and Kuroko follows him. They both stop at the door and Akashi speaks up once more:

“Daiki?”

Aomine fears his next words. He fears Akashi will drop him, telling him he can leave. Telling him they won’t need him to win their next match and that he could do whatever he deems right.

“There’s always a way out. We both know that better than anyone else. The only thing that could stop you is not yourself. It’s Ryouta.” And with that they leave.

Aomine stays behind, his body rigid, his head empty. The throb in his right hand only overshadowed by the throb in his chest. He knows he could leave, and he would get away with it for today. He knows he could go back and follow the consistent pull of his heart. He also knows Akashi and that he’s testing him now.

“Shit.” He falls back down on the bench, exhausted and still angry. He takes himself a few minutes to sort out his thoughts. He’s prone to giving up, he knows it’s a character flaw of his. But he doesn’t want to. He thinks about what will happen if he gives up. He really doesn’t want that. No he won’t.

He gets up and finally changes into his jersey and training shorts. Slamming the locker door shut, he decides to pull himself together again.

He knows he still has his friends’ support when he meets them in the gym. Even Midorima lets him know with a silent and awkward look that dwells a little too long on Aomine. A little too intense as if he is trying to give him his recognition via telepathy.

Kagami punches his shoulder and tells him he knew he wouldn’t ditch them, letting Aomine openly know that they had talked about him. Kuroko promptly stabs his fingers into Kagami’s rips, reminding him not to be so insensitive. But Aomine looks at Akashi who smiles at him with just his eyes. The features of his face always in check.


	7. When the party’s over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more or less Kise's point of view. I hope you enjoy!

When the party’s over – Billie Eilish

-

Kise hears the door fall into the lock after Aomine left. The feel of his touch of his warm, strong hand still lingering. He finally can let go. He screams into his pillow, releasing all the built-up anguish, everything he held back as long as Aomine was still here. His tears now streaming hot and unstoppable over his face and getting soaked up by his sheets and pillow. He squirms and pants and hurts. It lasts so long, the painkillers Aomine had brought him, doing nothing to relieve his pain even in the slightest. It feels like hours until he can finally somewhat relax and the pounding ache in his head and also the rest of his body is simmering down enough. He tears himself out of bed, staggering into the bathroom, the soles of his feet burning at each contact they make with the cold floor. He sweats and his eyes feel swollen and hot. He refrains from looking into the mirror, knowing this can’t be helpful right now and steps into the shower. The hot stream of water burns his skin, but it numbs the pain. He sits on the floor just letting the water hit him from above not doing anything else. After a while he can feel his back muscles and neck relax. His vision becomes clearer and his skin a bit more sensitive to touch.

The numbness in his core stays. The image of Aomine’s eyes is still burned deep into his mind. That grieve. Is he already mentally saying his goodbyes? It won’t be long until he hurts him so bad that he will eventually turn his back on him. Kise knows that.

For the longest time he wanted to tell himself that he wouldn’t, that he couldn’t hurt Aomine the way he hurts himself. Not his Daiki, his inspiration, his role model, his best friend. The love of his life. And yet he did.

All the awful things he said to him. Insulting him and laughing at him. Telling him things like how glad he is that he would never have to play with him. That he is the biggest most arrogant asshole, that no one could ever love. Kise knows this had come from a place deep inside of him. His desire to tell him how fucking much he loves him. But his mind was frenzied at the time, trying to hide all his pain. Not reveal his weak point, his flaw.

He’s not allowed to love Aomine. Gorgeous, tall, dark and strong Aomine Daiki. It’s still a mystery to him why he keeps coming back. He might’ve told him that he couldn’t forgive himself if he would stop coming around, if he stopped caring, but Kise can’t believe that this is all there is to it.

Aomine feeling responsible is also his fault. He did push him out of the way when that car came speeding at them. He did know in that moment that there wasn’t enough time to save himself too if he’d tackle him to the side. He remembers vividly how everything slowed down and how he somehow was given enough time to quickly came up with a strategy to get Aomine’s 191lbs effectively far enough out of the way. Tackling him with his own body had been the only reasonable option in that moment. He didn’t think about how the car would inevitably hit him instead. He didn’t care. This one moment, where he thought he would lose Aomine forever, simply left him no other choice. This is the one thing he would never regret.

What he regrets though is forcing this guilt onto him. Kise knows Aomine’s fragile heart would never allow him to not give his all to try and make it up to him. He knows Aomine wants to save his life too. Give him back what he’d stolen from him that day. Kise doesn’t want it. Aomine can have his life too and do with it whatever he wants. And when the day comes that he decides that it’s nothing worth anymore and that he would throw it away, throw him away. Kise knows what he’ll do then. He won’t wait for the despair to swallow him whole.

Kise sits on the floor of his shower, a grim smile on his otherwise beautiful face, before he throws his head back and laughs. And cries. And hurts.

His talent was the thing that brought them together. His athletic abilities were the thing that kept them together and even helped him break through to Aomine. His quick reflexes are the reason Aomine is still here. And after he lost that, he also lost his chance at a life together with him. He’s not worthy anymore to be at his side. He’s just a broken man, destroying himself more and more, because he’s also too weak to accept that his dream is over.

He slings his arms around himself, his nails digging into his shoulder, biting down into his skin. Shaking and sobbing. He can’t even differentiate between the pain of withdrawal or the pain in his heart anymore.

He doesn’t know how long it takes him to exhaust himself enough that he is too tired to keep crying. When he gets out of the shower the bathroom is completely fogged up, the mirror a light gray plane, only reflecting the brightness of the lights but no image.

Kise sways and props himself up against the sink. He knows the pain is not from the cocaine withdrawal, but from the oxy. The last he took two days ago. Yesterday the cocaine helped him through it, but it’s been too long now.

_“Please call me if you need something.”_

Kise snorts. When he needs something. He needs him. It’s that simple.

_“Please.”_

He can’t ask for what he needs. Aomine won’t give it to him. Not anymore.

He wanders around, wearing nothing more than a dark blue bathrobe, in his upscale Shinjuku loft, with the wide window front looking over the city. Furnished with expensive designer pieces. His kitchen stocked with enough food and liquor to throw a party right now if he wanted to. His contacts are full of people, he knows are willing to attend at any minute if he asked them to. Successful people, rich and famous people. They are all soulless figures to him. Not a single one under them he thinks he’ll still be in contact with a few years from now. Shallow and unimportant. He stops at a shelve and looks at the only picture on it. The one they took when they still were in Teiko. Not like them, he thinks reaching out his hand and turns the frame so that the picture is facing the wall. His friends that are still together thanks to Kuroko. They all got a second chance, unlike him. He turns away feeling his willpower fade. He wants to sustain. Telling himself over and over in his head that he won’t do it.

The past day with Aomine had felt so special. Not because of the sex. Not even the first few hours, where they fucked like there was no tomorrow. For a brief moment Kise pauses his train of thought to acknowledge Aomine’s stamina. He’d been high as a kite himself but Aomine was just himself and still kept up, even overpowered him. A breathless laugh breaks from his lips. No, this is all very admirable and hot and what not, but this wasn’t it. Later, when Kise felt the effect of the drug wearing off, when he could’ve crashed, low on dopamine and willpower. Aomine kept him upright somehow. It was only for a short time, a few hours maybe but he made him feel ok. Talking about their matches, teasing each other and also praising. Letting him forget how far away those days are. They talked about their time together and their friends and how some things are still like they were back then. Aomine had been especially yielding and gave him a list of things he’d always admired about him. Kise’s heart felt so whole and healed in that moment, knowing there’s honest affection. It felt too good to be true. No need for some chemical to make up for that, only giving him a wrong and twisted copy of the real thing anyway. He’d still felt the pain creeping back into his body as it got late, and he had been too tired to keep that special moment alive for long. Oh how he regrets it now.

Kise doesn’t know what to do with himself. Too riled up to do go back to bed, but too whacked to do anything specific. He knows he’ll cave sooner or later, his resolve dying away with each passing minute. Just a little longer he wants to hold out, telling himself he could make it someday. Someday he’ll stop and heal and maybe Aomine can except his feelings then. Maybe, against all odds, he’ll be one lucky bastard and he gets a third chance. The thought so ridiculous and beautiful in itself.

When he realizes that it is already late in the afternoon, that he’d restlessly wandered around his home, fighting his cramps and his nausea with sheer willpower. When he made the whole round from crying, daydreaming, being delusional, suicidal and having no sense of time anymore, he knows this sudden moment of clarity tells him what he has to do.

Kise denies the voice in his head that tells him not to give up. He denies how much it would torture Aomine if he knew why he hadn’t called him today. Then again who is he kidding, Aomine knows all too well why. It’s all for nothing. At exactly 06:10 pm he finally caves and takes two small white pills. Promising himself that it’s ok. He would be fine. The pain fades quickly. Warmth spreads into his frozen limbs. He floats and welcomes the familiar sensation of being wrapped in cotton. The world is fine again. He is fine.


	8. Ilomilo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Satsuki! Nuff said. 
> 
> The mood song for this chapter Ilomilo from Billie is what I imagine Kise thinking if you could see Aomine when he's not with him.

Ilomilo – Billie Eilish

-

Entering the changing room after their practice has finally come to an end much later than usual, there’s just one thought on Aomine’s mind. He opens his locker and immediately checks his phone. No new messages…

“Hey Ahomine.”

He turns around.

“That pass was mine and you know it.”

“If you’re too slow.” Aomine shrugs his shoulders and puts his phone back into his bag, pretending there’s nothing wrong.

“Kuroko passed to me.” Kagami builds himself up and Aomine smirks.

“Jealous?”

Before they could jump each other’s throats though, a not so manly shriek interrupts them.

“You’re not allowed in here!” Midorima yells pulling his shorts up which he’d just wanted to change.

Before Aomine realizes what exactly is happening though he’s slapped hard across the face, making his vision go dark for a second.

“Satsuki whAT THE FUCK?!” he presses his hand over the stinging sensation on his cheek and stares down at the small woman who looks as if she’s about to mangle him.

“WHAT THE FUCK INDEED! 17 you fucking ASSHOLE! You turned it off, didn’t you?” she glowers at him and any other man would’ve caved immediately, proven by Kagami who sneaks away from the scene as if he just happened to be there by accident.

A hand on Satsuki’s shoulder makes her turn around and there is Akashi, letting them both silently know this is not a behavior he can tolerate. Satsuki shrugs him off and her eyes dart back up at Aomine, who still stands there shocked.

“I give you 5 minutes to change, then you meet me outside.” She hisses and stomps back out the door. It’s dead silent in the room until Takao lets out a long whistle. Midorima shushes him, still clutching the hem of his shorts in a ridiculous manner.

“You better do what she says.” Akashi remarks amused, his eyes still lingering on the door through which Satsuki had disappeared just a moment ago.

Aomine rubs his cheek, but actually does what he’s told to. Only a madman wouldn’t have. He hurries up and skips the shower, shoving his used clothes back into his backpack and then throws it over his shoulder. No one dares to talk to him and so he’s out without saying another word to the others.

Satsuki waits for him outside the building, leaning against the wall, one foot propped up against it and her arms crossed over her chest. When she sees him exiting though the front door she huffs.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Aomine snaps at her when he gets close enough for her to hear him without yelling.

“With me? Are you being serious right now? What is wrong with you? Did you seriously turn off your phone yesterday? I was worried sick about you two.”

Her words hit the right spot and all the anger in Aomine suddenly evaporates. “Us two?”

“Of course you dumbass, who else would I worry about?”

Aomine sighs. He pinches the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath. Satsuki’s face changes and she takes a step towards him.

“I thought you two were fighting again. I thought something went wrong and you’re at the hospital. I thought something terrible-“ her voice breaks and she looks away, her fists trembling at her sides.

“We were fighting.” Aomine speaks up. “But we made up.” He knows this wasn’t his best choice of words and is only confirmed when Satsuki shoots him another devastating glare.

“You mean while I was worried sick, that maybe someone has died, you two were fucking?” Her voice edging on yelling again, she has to bite her lip when they hear the entrance door open, but it’s just a janitor.

“I’m sorry, it wasn’t like that.” Aomine tries to defend himself but to no use.

“Do you know how hard it is for me to watch this happen. To know everything and not being able to see him? He’s my friend too Dai-chan.”

The sadness in her voice is making him feel guilty. He sinks his head. “I know.”

“I don’t think you do. I think all you do is think about him. All you are capable of thinking is him.”

“Guess you’re right.” He admits and with that he takes the wind out of her.

“I always am.” She retorts petulant, but seemingly calming down.

In silent agreement they start walking. After a minute or so Satsuki hooks her arm around his and hugs it.

“How is he?”

Aomine knows she won’t be satisfied with a short truism this time. “It’s getting worse.” He says stern thinking back at how Kise behaved after the coke had hit his system. “He’s doing it more often. I stopped him yesterday and things were… ugly.”

“Are you sure he didn’t do it behind your back?”

“Pretty damn sure yeah.”

“Good.”

Aomine sighs again. “It’s not. The moment I leave I know he has no control over himself. I know he’s probably high right now. The withdrawals are getting much worse.”

“Then what are you still doing here?”

“What?” Aomine stops and she let’s go of his arm.

“I know this is not a solution, but… I want to do something so bad, and he doesn’t want to see me so…” Aomine’s heart breaks at the sight of her, struggling for words and looking so hurt.

“I can’t do anything but to send you. Please promise me you won’t do something stupid.”

“Like what?” he has to ask her this, so he can reassure her how stupid that thought is.

“Like… like-“ She throws her arms in the air tear rolling down her face as she looks up at the dark gray sky.

“You know how ridiculous that is, right? He manages to crack a smile at her, and she sniffs through a small laugh.

“Stupid Aho.” She mumbles before hugging the middle of his torso. He hugs her back and gives her a short squeeze.

“I wouldn’t last if it weren’t for you sometimes. I hope you know that.”

She nods her head against his chest, making him chuckle again.

“And thanks for telling Tetsu by the way. He and Akashi gave me a little heads up. That was fun.”

She giggles into his sweater. “I won’t apologize.”

They continue walking to the next station together from where Aomine takes the next train back to Shinjuku. Satsuki sees him off at his platform before she takes her train. Aomine has to promise her to text her at least and keep her updated. As soon as they part he gets nervous again. Kise hasn’t given any sign of life and Aomine constantly has to think about how he looked when he left him this morning.

When he buzzes himself in again, entering the building he thinks to himself that he hasn’t been home these last three days. He could just move in already. And there it is again, that oppressive numbness, making him stop his train of thought immediately.

He rides up the elevator, hands deep in his pockets, staring at the dent in the metal wall that was his credit. His mind blank, refusing to recall the feeling that had let him to do that. Refusing his anxiety now.

The loft is dark, only dimly lit by the lights from the city outside. It’s quiet and maybe Kise is sleeping, he thinks. He hopes. He begs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is already proof read so it will follow shortly. 4 chapters a day, who would have thought I could do that. Not me, that's for sure.


	9. Flawless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... last chapter with smut for now. A lot of plot will follow next. I hope it stays interesting anyway ^^  
> Flawless from the nbhd is what I imagine how Aomine sees Kise.

Flawless – the neighborhood

-

His wish is not being answered when he hears a soft “Welcome home Daiki.” Coming from the couch. As he steps closer he can see over the backrest, see Kise in a dark robe, sprawled out, smiling contently. He knows what this means, if not the atmosphere in the room had given it away by now.

“Home?”

“Whatever you want to call it.” Kise smiles and Aomine can see just how far gone he is. A different person and yet so shockingly close to the person he once knew.

“But considering you keep coming back, even without me asking you to.” Kise’s smile gets wider. “One could assume you like it here.”

“Yeah? Assume all you want, I just wanted-“

“-to check up on me.” Kise finishes for him. “How only do I deserve so much attention from you?”

Aomine starts to get a little annoyed, so he doesn’t answer.

“Is it because you miss me so much when I’m not with you Daiki? Do tell me please.”

Aomine walks around the couch and sits down at Kise’s feet. “I had a bad feeling leaving you today.”

“Always so caring.” Kise smirks down at him. He suddenly sits up and moves closer kneeling in front of Aomine.

“Ne Daiki, could it be that you have a little bit of a helper syndrome?”

Aomine turns his head and meets his golden gaze. “Maybe.”

His answer hits Kise unexpectedly and lets the grin on his lips waver. “Hmh.” He hums falling back to sit on his heels, his upper body slouching slightly. He’s obviously not entertained.

“How much did you take and what?”

“Uh so upfront. You usually ask how I’m feeling or if I’m ok. Not going in for the kill.”

Aomine catches himself starring at those pretty lips, that move too much, begging to banter with him.

Suddenly Kise’s whole demeanor makes a whole 180 and Aomine almost flinches when his hand touches his cheek. “What happened?” Kise asks with real apprehension in his voice. Aomine remembers Satsuki’s bitchslap and is frown out of his trance as if she’d just hit him again.

He catches Kise’s hand in his own, pulling it away. “Nothing, just a little argument with Satsuki.”

He notices the glimmer in Kise’s eyes fading. “What was it about?” he asks blank.

“Nothing, really we are good now. She’s-“

“It was about me.” This is not a question and so Aomine can’t even deny it. Kise knows, of course.

However, before Aomine can come up with something, the grin on Kise’s face is back, overshadowing his short moment of sorrow.

“Were you defending me?”

“Actually not.” He has to hand it to him, Kise does his best to stay on top right now, with a little help of course. “I wasn’t defending neither you nor myself. She was the one who sent me back here actually.”

Kise pulls his hand out of Aomine’s hold and moves away a little, hugging his knees, staring down at the city. “So you really are not here because you missed me. No need to be so blunt Daiki.”

“I’m here because I constantly worry about you, and Satsuki does too. Do you even realize how much you hurt her by not talking to her?” he can’t do anything about getting angry. Kise may be special to him, but Satsuki is too, longer even than Kise.

“Yes.”

“Then why do you do that to her?”

…

“Answer me.”

“I really don’t wanna talk about it right now.”

“And when do you wanna talk about it?”

…

“Ryouta!”

“If you’re just here to be a dick, you can leave.”

Aomine sighs his head falling to his chest.

“What are you even doing?” Aomine asks after a brief moment he takes for himself to regain his composure.

“Watching the lights. It’s relaxing.”

“Like you’d need more things to relax you.”

Kise bites his bottom lip in an attempt not to laugh at that snarky remark, when suddenly Aomine is the one who starts chuckling.

Kise slowly turns his head to look at him and when their eyes meet they both burst out laughing. “That was so mean.” Kise snorts still a little taken aback, making Aomine laugh even more.

“I’m sorry.” He snorts and finally gets rid of a bit of the tension in his shoulders.

“You’re an ass.” Kise complains with a lopsided smirk.

“I said I’m sorry, come here.” Aomine holds out his arm to invite Kise to his side. He complies and moves elegantly, sliding against his torso, arching his back to rest his head on Aomine’s shoulder.

“I’m glad she sent you back.” He whispers.

“Me too.”

They remain like that for a little before Kise speaks again.

“Oxy… two pills.” He finally answers the question Aomine had asked him before.

“Is that… a lot?”

Kise leisurely shakes his head. “Not really. I’m used to it.”

“What does it do?” he asks his voice low.

Kise moves, pushes Aomine’s legs apart so he can climb over and nestle himself between them, his back against Aomine’s chest he rests his head against the others collarbone. He slides his hands into Aomine’s large ones and raises them all together as if he wanted to reenact the scene from Titanic.

“It’s amazing, no pain and you feel warm and content. My head is free and light, and everything glows and glimmers. Not a care in the world and I’m floating.”

“Your hands are warm.” Is all Aomine manages to say, somewhat agreeing with what Kise says.

Kise brings their arms down, his fingers still entwined with Aomine’s and guides them around his body to make Aomine embrace him.

“It feels like you.”

The pull in Aomine’s heart is immediate and making him hold his breath. He wants to ask him what he means with that. Wants to know how Kise could just say something like that to him. Did he not know how that makes him feel?

“Daiki?”

“Yeah?”

“I tried to not take anything today.”

The sudden flare of hope in Aomine’s chest is quickly killed, remembering that he did not make it. Squeezing his warm hands, he urges him to go on.

“I don’t think I can’t do that anymore. Not alone.”

“What does that mean?” Aomine asks, sinking his head, letting his lips wander over the nape of Kise’s neck, wanting to let him know that he is not alone.

“I have no reason not to.”

That hurt. Aomine’s arms wrap around him tighter when he whispers into his neck:

“Am I not reason enough for you to try?”

He can feel Kise tense up, making him want to hold him even closer but that’s impossible.

“But you don’t love me like I love you.”

The world stops revolving, comes to a violent halt, the words so casually spoken, carve into him like knives, drawing blood.

…

“You what?” he breaths huskily, not able to comprehend what just happened.

Kise turns in his arms, his expression darkened with something that doesn’t make any sense to Aomine. He places his hands on his chest and pushes him down into the cushions until Kise is practically on top of him. His eyes, like molten gold intruding his soul, making Aomine’s mouth go dry, they hold him hostage and he can’t get away even if his life depended on it.

“I love you Aomine Daiki. I probably have from the moment your stupid basketball hit the back of my head. I loved you all these years because you saved me back then. You picked me up and gave me a life and dreams.”

Aomine stares in utter bewilderment. This can’t be true. As much as he wants it to be. As much as he desperately wishes it to be the truth, Kise isn’t even sober. Does that mean he doesn’t know what he’s saying? Probably. What if he does?

Kise’s soft lips ghost over his, reluctant asking for permission. Aomine grabs the collar of his robe, yanking him close, parts his lips, sliding his tongue inside. Kise melts against him, his arms coming up, fingers sifting through his short, dark hair. When Aomine needs air, Kise nibbles on his bottom lip, gently licking over the tear that was his fault, as if to silently apologize. There’s so much Aomine wants to say. He wants to finally tell him that he loves him too. So much that it hurts. That he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with him. He can’t. He can’t bring himself to say it out loud. He is sober after all. He knows that their love could be condemned to fail. That it was on Kise to prove to him that he was worth it to him. He can’t do that for him.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“You weren’t looking at me.”

“I was always looking at you. Always only you.”

“Then you’re a better actor than people give you credit for.” Kise smiles, softly sliding his fingertips over Aomine’s cheeks and his jaw. He doesn’t expect an answer. He doesn’t even want it. Kise has learned to be the one running after Aomine and not the other way around. That always seems to be his role, and he got content with it. He’s not feeling as if Aomine needs to answer him.

Aomine can’t stop himself, he throws them over, pins Kise down. He wants to ravage him, take in everything about him. His smell, his sighs, his flawless body, his voice when he moaned his name, everything. The possessive and desperate wish that he could just make him his, tears him up inside. He doesn’t care that Kise wasn’t the one initiating it this time. He doesn’t care that he will suffer so much when everything ends. He just wants to be inside him. Now.

He finds Kise is naked underneath his robe, that only fuels his frenzy, making him gasp when he yanks it open, the loosely tied fabric belt coming undone like it’s nothing.

He starts kissing and biting the immaculate pale skin underneath him. His neck, his collarbones, licking down over his still formidable abs further down until he can smell him and that drives him almost crazy. Kise squirms, it’s too much for him. The drug is making him sluggish; he can’t keep up with all the sensations Aomine suddenly overwhelms him with. He isn’t even sure if he can get hard like this. He took too much and didn’t tell him the truth. Just before Aomine came through the door he took another pill, and oxy doesn’t fade as quickly as cocaine does. He can barely take it and gasps and moans, not knowing if he can give Aomine what he wants right now.

The thought making him wince, along with the sensory overload of Aomine taking him into his mouth. Sending an almost unbearable heat through his body. There’s nothing he wants more than to indulge him. He wants to show Aomine just how much he means to him, but his body doesn’t obey. When he’s half hard Aomine comes up again and somehow he pulls him into the bedroom, making out all the while, half carrying him, half shoving him. Kise knows what it means that Aomine decided to move rooms. He needs something from Kise’s bedside table, because despite his rough handling Aomine is not an ass.

He could have taken him dry, Kise had no strength or willpower to protest. But Aomine takes his time, lubing him up and preparing him with his fingers, making Kise writhe and clutching the sheets. Time slows down or speeds up he can’t tell anymore. Aomine is on top of him again, bending down sliding his lips over Kise’s throat as he positions himself, lining up and waiting for him to give his ok.

Kise nods and immediately bends his back when Aomine pushes inside, making his toes curl and his fingertips numb from digging so hard into the sheets. Aomine doesn’t give him a second to adjust and starts thrusting deeper and deeper, until he’s filling him up completely. Kise claws at Aomine’s back, trying to hold onto something, sweet pain mixed with pleasure flooding his body, combined with the heat and the daze of the oxy. He feels feverish but so good. It was too much and not enough. If Kise would die from it, it would have been worth it he thinks.

Aomine groans and Kise clenches around him, leading him to thrust even harder. Kise thinks he could actually lose his mind before Aomine suddenly stops. Shivering in his embrace, Kise realizes that Aomine is already close. He moves his hips, tantalizingly slow rotating luring Aomine to come. And Aomine does. With low growl coming from deep inside his chest he starts thrusting again, uneven and frantic. Kise feels his own orgasm nearing but he knows Aomine will be done before he gets to follow. Then Aomine suddenly reaches down between them, grabbing hold of him and starts pumping in cadence of his thrusts. Kise cries out, digging his nails into the dark skin beneath his hands. Aomine bites down into his neck and with that Kise comes, loud and desperate. Aomine fucks him through it, following behind and Kise can feel the hot pulse of his cock inside him, making him clench around it once more.

Aomine’s heavy weight crashes down on him after his arms give in and Aomine can’t hold himself up anymore. Still breathing heavily, Kise lets his hands wander over his broad back, soothing over the scratch marks he can feel beneath his fingertips. What wouldn’t he give to call him his in that very moment.


	10. How I look on you

How I look on You – Ariana Grande

-

Aomine is woken rudely by an alarm that isn’t his. He twists and turns, trying to get comfortable again not wanting to get up. He’s been dreaming and it felt amazing, but he can’t remember. The images slipping away more the harder he tries to pull them back. He stays in bed, not quite awake, in between consciousness and dream. He slowly remembers yesterday’s evening when he hears a shower being turned on somewhere. He finally comes to, realizing that he’s alone, the spot next to him empty.

The alarm clock flashes 09:32 am at him and he remembers it’s Monday. He only has to be at campus in the afternoon, but Kise most likely has work today. He wonders if he’s going to be able to, or if his withdrawal will keep him down again. He gets up and wants to go check on him, but the bathroom door is locked…

Nothing to worry about. Strange but not worrisome, he tells himself. He let’s go of the doorknob staring at the wood that is boldly blocking his way. He turns away and starts collecting his scattered clothes from the floor to get dressed. He has one fresh pair of underwear left. He makes a mental note to bring clothes the next time he comes here before the bathroom door opens behind him.

Aomine turns around and sees Kise emerging from the bathroom, just a towel around his waist and looking damn good. Too good.

“Hey.” He says surprised and he knows he’s starring. Kise gives him a sultry smirk and even winks at him. Aomine notices he’s naked himself and the realization dawning on his face makes Kise laugh.

Kise just walks around him and starts pulling clothes from his huge wardrobe, throwing some of them on the bed, some of them he puts back. Aomine is aware that it would be quite awkward to just keep staring at him while he’s getting dressed, so he turns and starts getting dressed himself. Kise still hasn’t said anything and it feels unsettling. He seems normal. Something is off.

“Ne Daiki?”

“Hmh?” He perks up.

“Can you tell Momocchi that I have something for her?” Kise doesn’t look at him, just casually drops his towel on the floor, his back still turned to Aomine.

“What? Yeah sure, what is it?” That ass almost made him stutter.

Kise slips on a pair of black underwear. “I have tickets to the next Cecile show. Of course I’m not walking. It’s woman’s fashion.” He adds as explanation for him. “But I’ll have to be there, meeting a few people and I thought maybe she wants to go with me. I’d like to talk to her.”

“You do?” Aomine is baffled. “I mean yeah. Sure I’ll ask her. I bet she’ll be thrilled.” Aomine means to smile but something about Kise avoiding his eyes and his self-contained behavior doesn’t let him.

“Is… Is everything ok?”

Kise turns around, flashing him a bright grin. “Sure. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I don’t know, do you feel ok?”

Kise laughs and it sounds wrong. “Are we back to sugar coating? You want to know if I took something, then say it like that.”

Aomine doesn’t know where this sudden animosity is coming from. “You locked yourself in the bathroom, that’s why I thought-“

“You know, sometimes a little privacy can be quite nice.” Kise is fully dressed by now and steps towards him, a little too close for just having a normal conversation. “I’m fine.” He smirks condescendingly when Aomine frowns down on him.

“I can see that you took something, you know?” He gets defensive in his posture, wanting to step back and that’s when he knows what exactly Kise took.

“And what you wanna do about it?” Kise drawls out and makes Aomine actually want to punch him.

“We agreed you wouldn’t do it when I’m here.” He growls.

Kise gets out of his face and walks to the door.

“We never agreed on that and you were asleep anyway.”

His indifference makes Aomine furious. He stomps after him and grabs his shoulder to stop him.

“You never did, and I want it to stay that way.”

“There’s a lot of things I want too Daiki. I don’t get to have them either.” Kise pushes his hand from his shoulder and heads for the front door. Aomine is so baffled he doesn’t know what to do.

“I won’t be home this evening. You can leave whenever you want to, lock the door when you do.” Kise places a key on the cupboard in the hallway. He slips into a light grey trench coat. Aomine does notice how fucking hot he looks but his mind is still busy with processing the situation.

“See ya.” Kise waves at him, a lukewarm look on his face and with that he’s gone.

Aomine stares at another door this morning and thinks he must’ve done something terribly wrong.

“What the fuck Ryou.” He whispers breathlessly into the empty room.

This day turns out to stay a bad one. After he stomachs what just happened, he collects the rest of his things and leaves. He takes the small silver key and locks the door behind himself. He is so confused by what it means that Kise apparently wants him to have a key, but at the same time acts like a complete asshole. It doesn’t matter that Aomine knows that he is under influence, that wasn’t it. There was something wrong entirely and he just can’t put his finger on it.

He heads home, for the first time since Friday. His apartment isn’t nearly as clean or posh as Kise’s loft. Just a small two room apartment, close to his campus. Most of his furniture is just sufficient and second hand. Not that he cares, but it still feels strange being back after what feels like weeks.

He shoves his used clothes in the hamper and brushes his teeth before flopping down on his sofa. He briefly wants to pack fresh ones but then remembers Kise told him that he doesn’t want to see him tonight. Not with that exact wording, but Aomine got the hint. He slides his hand into his back pocket wanting to retrieve his phone but finding something else instead.

He stares at the small sliver box in his hand. If looks could kill the box certainly would’ve burst into flames right there. He flips it open, finding the white, seemingly innocent powder. He doesn’t know how long he stares at it, kneading and turning the small plastic bag with his fingers, thinking. He opens it and warily smells its contents. It’s plain, a little flowery but chemical, not really strong.

He should just call Satsuki. He promised her he would, and he’d taken his time again. He’s sure she hasn’t called him out of understanding after yesterday’s talk. Was this really just yesterday? These past hours had been such a rollercoaster. Kise confessed his love to him. He still doesn’t know what to think about it. There’s a sting in his heart every time he recalls it. How intense Kise’s look had been. How honest and true it felt. If only he could believe him.

“Shit.”

His throat constricts, and he feels himself tensing up. He can see why Kise searched for a way out, for something to numb that pain. Not only did he think that Aomine wouldn’t reciprocate his feelings, he also had lost his future as a pro basketballer. Aomine has no doubt he would have made it. He had all the talents and more. He’d always been a force of nature, on the court, as a person, in Aomine’s heart. Could he really blame him?

Aomine mutters under his breath _fuck_ and licks the tip of his index finger, before dipping it into the bag. His finger is coated with the white powder, he can see now that it has a tinge of pink to it. Before thinking another second he licks it off, immediately regretting it. It tastes bitter, medical and his tongue and the inside of his mouth start to feel numb. He wants to spit it out, but it dissolved too quickly. Why does he always have to be so stupid and overdo everything without first thinking about it.

He coughs, wanting to get rid of the bitter taste. His heart starts racing, and he gets really nervous. The numbness spreads from his mouth, down his throat and over his lips, as if he’d been poisoned. He gets dizzy, his vision blurring slightly before getting sharp again. Too sharp. Everything is so hard in contrast all of a sudden, like someone pulled the regulator for his eyes up to an unnaturally high setting. His heart is racing so fast he feels the pressure from it in his throat and his limps. He has to stand up and move to try and get rid of it. He notices that his movements are getting involuntary. He twitches and he gets hot. It almost burns on his skin. He paces up and down in his tiny living room, trying to get his body back under control. His breathing is heavy and there’s pressure in his head. It makes him angry. Why the fuck did he do that?

His phone starts ringing, and he can’t take it. The sound so obnoxious and loud it hurts. He throws a pillow at it, immediately realizing how useless and stupid that is. He walks over and kills the incoming call without even seeing who it is. His eyes dart hectically around the room, searching for something that could possibly help him. He walks into the bathroom and splashes his face with cold water, and drinks some to wash away that awful taste. When he looks up at the mirror he recognizes himself, but he’s never seen himself so clear before. Like he’s seeing himself for the first time. His pupils are dilated a little and flickering.

He remembers Kise. He takes that stuff for real. Not just a little pinch. He probably snorts it and surely much more than Aomine just did. Something twisted inside him immediately wants to try that.

NO

No, he has to calm down. Somehow…

He clutches the corner of his sink in a steel grip, his knuckles turning white. The funny thought he might break it flashes through his mind, making him bark out a laugh. He doesn’t know how long his little fit lasts. 5 minutes maybe 10, before he can finally feel his heartrate stabilizing. His ragged breathing slows down, and he actually feels fantastic. After the first rush ebbs down, he feels so much better. Like he won something for enduring that. His senses are still sharp, and he would love to find out how amazing it would be to play basketball right now. The thought making him giddy somehow. He knows he can’t leave his apartment like that. He knows he’s probably still feeling the effects of the cocaine, so he stays where he is, mustering all his strength to not do something stupid.

It takes about another 10 minutes until he knows his thoughts are becoming his own again. He’s left drained and speechless from the force with which the cocaine hit him. Scared even, and it had only been so little. He’d smoked weed once, back in high school and he remembers the tiredness and the dizziness. That he’d been relaxed, and it had actually been quite funny, but that? He stares at the plastic bag on his coffee table in horror. This is something completely different, he doesn’t even want to imagine how he would feel if he really would’ve taken more. Now he’s glad he didn’t.

He remembers his phone ringing and warily walks over to pick it up from the floor. Kuroko.

Aomine contemplates for a moment if he’s back to normal, if he’s capable to call his friend back without him noticing what he just did. He decides he is.

Kuroko picks up after the second signal.

“Aomine-kun, am I disturbing?“

„Tetsu, I am calling you.”

“Right. I just want to inform you that Seijuro set the next practice for tomorrow evening.”

“Isn’t three times a week enough?”

“He wants to make sure we are on top even if it’s just a friendly match.”

“Alright.” Aomine huffs, remembering their next game on Friday.

“Aomine-kun, is everything alright?”

“Yeah, sure. I’m just a little tired.”

“You sound nervous.”

“I uh- yeah I-“ he stutters not knowing what to answer.

“Is it because of Kise-kun?”

“Yeah.” He answers only half truthfully, but somehow it is.

“I understand.”

_Does he though?_

“Yeah thanks. I’m sorry Tetsu but I just got home, and I have to get ready to get to class.”

“Yes our next course is also starting soon. See you tomorrow.”

“Yea see ya.”

He takes in a deep breath before calling Satsuki.

“Hey Dai-chan.” She answers.

“I’m sorry I’m calling so late.”

“I kinda expected that.”

“I have to get to class, but wanna meet for a coffee later?”

“Sure, I’ll pick you up.”

“Thanks.”

“’Kay see you later.”

He really has to hurry now. He crams the small plastic bag back into the metal box and throws it on the table. He leaves without any school supplies and prepares himself mentally for having to sit in sports theory class for two hours.

They go by sluggish and he can focus even less than he expected. He’s got a slight headache, not sure if it’s from his little escapade or from everything else. Probably both. Somehow he regrets his plans with Satsuki, because when his class ends he’s utterly exhausted.

“You look horrible.” She greets him.

“Thanks, you too.”

“No really you look as if you’ve been hit by a truck.”

“That’s quite a good description of how I feel.”

They walk together over campus. The freezing winter air biting at their faces. Aomine shivers.

“So?”

“Please Satsuki, ask me exactly what you wanna know. I’m really not in a good mood and fucking tired.”

“Why?”

“Because I had a little cocaine earlier.”

“Ha ha.”

“That wasn’t a joke.”

She stops, staring him down, unbelieving.

“I’m serious. I didn’t even want to try it. I just had it on me still, after I took it away from Ryou.”

“How stupid do you have to be to accidentally try coke?”

“Could you keep your voice down a little.” He looks around, searching the area but there’s only a few people back at the entrance and they are far away enough that they can’t hear them.

“Aomine Daiki I thought we talked about this! Explain!”

“Shhh, keep walking already.” He wants to push her to start walking but she swats his hand away.

“Now!”

“Alright, I just found it. I forgot that I still had it and I just, I dunno, it’s not like I pulled a line with my credit card and snorted it down. I just wanted to know what it tastes like. I didn’t think it works that way too.”

He’s surprised to find Satsuki holding back a laugh all of a sudden.

“You wanted to know what it tastes like?” She teases him and he can’t believe it.

“How utterly dumb do you have to be not to know that it also works that way.” She laughs at him unrestrained making him so annoyed, but he can’t really defend himself.

He starts walking and Satsuki follows holding her stomach from laughter.

“And?” she asks, catching up to him, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.

“It’s fucking awful. It was just a tiny bit and I felt as if I were about to die.”

For reasons unknown to him Satsuki starts laughing even harder and he rolls his eyes.

“So you just found some coke and decided to eat it? Dai-chan I can’t.”

“Alright, are you done. Can we talk about something else now.” He retorts pissed.

“Promise me, before you ever do something like that again, call me. Just a suggestion.”

“Ok I get it. But I won’t ever do that again. Believe me.”

“I’m glad.” She says honestly this time.

They get two hot coffees to go and walk along the river next to the park affiliated to campus.

“Ryou wants to see you.”

Satsuki’s eyes get wide.

“I might have told him how shitty it is from him to block you out like that.”

“Dai-chan.” She complains but smiles. “You shouldn’t have done that. But I’m really glad.”

It’s obvious she can’t hide her joy.

“He has tickets for some fashion event he wants to take you with. Some Cecile or how she’s called.”

“Shut UP!”

Aomine flinches at her outburst.

“Cecile is a high fashion designer brand, not a person you idiot.”

“Oh.”

“He wants to take me there? Oh god I have nothing to wear for that.”

“Yeah amazing. Do you know what you’re going to say to him?”

“No.” she says subdued again. “But I’m just happy I can see him again. That he _wants_ to see me.” She smiles up at Aomine and he feels lighter.

“I’m glad too.”

He decides not to tell her about the confession. It’s too personal, too complicated. His heart is still heavy, and he knows he needs to act on it soon. He can’t let Kise wait much longer. Because Aomine realized that’s what he’s doing. He’s waiting for him. Like he always has. Following behind him, waiting for Aomine to turn around and catch him with open arms. He knows now that he isn’t completely innocent. Kise saved his life and even comforted him because of it. And what did he do? He started Uni with all their friends, pursuing his dream and leaving Kise behind. He could’ve done more. He could have stopped trying to call him and just go to his place and say to him what he feels instead of becoming insecure and scared. It hurts to think about it that way, but he’s finally made up his mind. Akashi was wrong. Ryouta isn’t the one holding him back, it’s himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be up shortly


	11. End up with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't care how cliche these flashbacks are, they were my favourite to write so far.   
> Please consider listening to the chapter song End up with you from Carrie Underwood. I was listening to it when I had the idea for this.

End up with you – Carrie Underwood

-

Kise turns the little piece of wood between his fingers only to find the word _loser_ written on the other side.

“Ne Aominecchi, that’s mean.” He pouts and Aomine laughs.

“You lost.” He shrugs and takes a large gulp from his water bottle.

Kise throws the ice cream stick hard at Aomine’s head making him flinch.

“Hey!” he still grins and Kise’s heart flutters.

“Ready for another round?”

“Guess I’ll pass.” Kise sighs and falls back, laying down on the hard pitch closing his eyes. “I’m spent.”

Aomine, sitting next to him, smirks and looks up at the sky, deep orange from the setting sun, spreading above them.

“It was really close today. You get better.”

“Pff.” Kise huffs.

“I mean it, you’re the only one I have to get serious against.”

“Kagamicchi and Kurokocchi handed your ass to you last year.”

“That Bakagami could never beat me without Tetsu and his team.” Aomine grumbles, now making Kise laugh.

“Ne Aominecchi, what you wanna do when this year ends?”

Aomine shrugs his shoulders again.

“Play basketball.”

Kise cracks open one eye, glancing at the boy sitting next to him.

“I think I want that too.”

“Of course you do. Who would I play against if you wouldn’t be there.”

Kise huffs again but can’t escape the warm feeling spreading throughout his whole body.

“Figures.”

“What?”

“That you already decided this for yourself, without even asking me.”

“Don’t you wanna do that too?” the honest surprise in Aomine’s still flushed face tugs at Kise’s heartstrings.

“Of fucking course I want that you idiot. Or do you think I’ll become some stuck-up model for the rest of my life?”

Aomine grins again and Kise knows he won’t ever be able to live without it.

+++

The feeling flooding him when his dunk gets through is exhilarating. That was it! These two points sealed his win.

He can hear Satsuki screaming from the sideline and an overwhelming feeling explodes inside him. Joy, a little disbelieve and anxiety. Why? He hasn’t looked over to Aomine yet.

When he finds him standing right next to him, panting and starring, their eyes meet. A wave of relief floods through him when he sees the corner of Aomine’s mouth twitch upwards on his stunned face.

A booming “YES!” bursts from Kise’s lips as he punches his fist in the air. A grin spreads over Aomine’s face and he relaxes his posture.

“Sheer luck.” He mocks, not able to stop smiling himself.

“I fucking beat you and you can’t take that back!”

“Yeah you did.” Aomine rolls his eyes. Satsuki comes running and Kise has to catch her in his arms.

“Ki-chan you did it!”

Aomine wants to tell them not to make such a big deal out of it, but it would feel wrong even to himself. He knows how hard Kise had trained for this. And he felt so utterly grateful for it. He stomps towards them and catches Kise in a friendly headlock, making his still hugging friends both sway.

“Dai-chan you’re ruining our moment!” Satsuki complains.

“Your moment? You didn’t even do anything!” He retorts indignant and Kise just laughs, still caught between them.

+++

“Why did you do it?”

“I didn’t think about it ok?”

“You could have died!” Aomine yells and Satsuki has to apologize to the nurse who came looking what all the commotion was about.

“ _You_ could have died.” Kise repeats him.

Aomine falls down on the chair next to his bed, ruffling his dark hair between his fingers.

“Aominecchi?”

“What?”

“I don’t regret pushing you away. And you shouldn’t either. You still have to live our dream. Do it for me too okay?”

Aomine glares up at him incredulous with tears in his eyes. Kise’s heart breaks seeing him like that.

“You’re more likely to make it anyway. Who knows maybe I would’ve never been drafted.” He laughs and everyone in the room can tell it’s not joyful. It’s resigned.

Aomine stands up and walks out, shoving Satsuki out of the way. Midorima shakes his head and Akashi walks after him. Kuroko has to console Satsuki again, who won’t stop crying for more than maybe ten minutes. Murasakibara, for once not munching on some snack, speaks up:

“Minechin will calm down sooner or later. Don’t worry about him. You should try to focus on yourself and recover.”

“I know.”

Kise stares out of the window, watching the cruelly bright sky. Mocking him with such a beautiful and warm day.

+++

“How’s your leg?”

“It’s fine, hurts only a little when I strain it too much. The scars will fade the doctor said. The nurse gave me some special cream to make them lighter. She recognized me from my last cover shoot and thought I’d need it more than anyone else.”

Aomine clicks with his tongue in disapproval. “Who cares about the scars?”

“My manager, and most likely the people hiring me, Aominecchi.”

“You don’t need them.”

Kise’s head falls to his chest in exhaustion.

“We’ve been over this. I can’t play anymore.”

“You haven’t tried it yet.”

“I don’t need to.”

“HOW CAN YOU KNOW IF YOU DON’T AT LEAST TRY!”

“BECAUSE I CAN BARELY WALK!”

+++

“Ki-chan? Have you seen Dai-chan today?”

“I’m sorry Momocchi. I haven’t seen him since I left the hospital yesterday.”

“How are you doing?”

“I’m ok. I’m glad I don’t need the painkillers anymore, they just made me dizzy all the time.”

“That sounds good.”

Kise can hear the smile in Satsuki’s voice on the other end of their call.

“I’ll tell you when he shows up here.” He reassures her.

“Thanks Ki-chan. I’ll come by tomorrow. Today is bad, I still have to catch up on a few things for the entrance exam next week.”

“We all know you’ll ace them anyway.” Now Kise has to smile too.

“I’ll let you know too when I hear something from him.”

Sometimes he thinks Satsuki knows.

“Thanks Momocchi.”

+++

Kise lands flat on his ass, the sharp pain in both his shins flares up and he clutches his legs, biting back tears.

“I told you.” He presses out through gritted teeth.

Aomine stares down at him, his face in a pained frown. The ball rolls over the asphalt and stops somewhere behind them when it hits the grass.

Kise sweats and pants, not from exercise, because they were playing like 5 minutes only. He’s exhausted and both his legs are in so much pain from trying to jump. The jump in itself isn’t the problem, landing on the hard floor is.

“I can’t do it anymore.” His tears fall without his permission. He doesn’t know what’s worse, the pain, the final acceptance that his dream is over, or Aomine. Just standing there, watching him struggling with that awful expression of doubt and disbelieve.

Suddenly he’s next to him offering him his arm to help him up.

“I’m sorry.” Aomine tells the floor. “This is all my fault.”

“Please! Please stop saying that.” Kise can’t hear it anymore. He let’s go of Aomine’s hand, standing on his own. It hurts, but it’s ok.

“It is not your fault, why won’t you get that through you thick head?”

Aomine doesn’t look at him and Kise’s heart breaks, knowing he’s losing him. Slowly but surely he’s slipping away.

+++

There are no more hot tears sliding down from his eyes over his temple, disappearing into his hairline as he lays on his back, watching the lights of the city beneath him from upside down. They have dried out, leaving a salty trail behind

His arm slips from his chest, from where he’d fisted a handful of his shirt. The pain in his chest won’t go away. It doesn’t matter what he took and how numb he made himself, that pain never went away. He regrets telling Aomine how he feels. He deeply regrets it now, knowing this was the last thing he’d wanted in his life and now he’ll never have it. This pain makes him want to throw up, though there’s nothing left to throw up. He’d overdone it today, after the shoot, after the party with his colleagues and other acquaintances. He’d been so ecstatic and simply took everything that was offered to him that evening, not caring what it would do to him. When he came home, finding his loft empty and dark, he got rid of everything still in his stomach. Probably saved his life for tonight. Somehow he regrets that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah it hurt itself in it's confusion.


	12. Chlorine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on out it gets really dark, fair warning.  
> This chapter is really short. I apologize but the next one will be longer and we are going to move forward fast now.

Chlorine – Twenty One Pilots

-

The next days are a blur. Shootings, Meetings, medicate, going out to diner before going out to party, medicate. Fall into bed, into coma, get up medicate. Start it all over. He hates the sound of his own laugh. How obnoxious and fake it is. How no one else seems to notice it. He still performs excellent in his shoots and people flock around him, smother him. So many places he should go all at once, not one of them a place where he wants to be and yet he tries to keep up with all of them. Distracting himself. From his lonely home, from the missed calls on his phone.

His home’s emptiness is suffocating him. His bathroom mirror makes him realize how gaunt he starts to look. He’s lost his sense of taste and forgets to eat if no one drags him to some expensive high-class restaurant downtown. He searches his own eyes in his reflection in a self-loathing and morbid attempt to find a reason to stop. There is none.

All the missed calls on his phone make his gut churn, but he ignores them. There’s nothing to get out of it anymore. The only thing keeping him somewhat from overdoing it is Friday night. He promised he would take Satsuki with him. He knows this will be the last push he needs. He needs to see the confirmation and shock of what he’s come to from someone else than Aomine. He needs a clear view of what his reality really is. He can’t have that from him. Despite his gruesome motive, deep down he’s still happy he gets to see her again. He could have a few good hours with her. Maybe she can make him forget for a while.

He knows this is a bad idea, he’s had too much already. Nevertheless he shakes out two more pills from the bottle, throws his head back as he swallows them down. He goes to bed right after, not even knowing if it’s just evening or late into the night. When his alarm goes off in the morning he won’t be in pain and he’ll be able to get up. He needs to get up since he’s running out and needs to meet his manager in the morning.

Aomine stares at his phone. He knows why Kise doesn’t pick up or write him back. Still he gets so anxious every time the line dies on him. He hasn’t heard from him since Monday morning and now it’s Thursday morning. Apparently Kise could text Satsuki but not him. At least that way he knows Kise is still alive, he thinks grimly. He will go to him this evening. Practice and Uni were holding him back the past few days. Akashi has gone mad again, thinking they would need to practice every single day this week, even though their match tomorrow wasn’t a big deal. Even without Murasakibara, who had moved to the US after they graduated, they are on top. They are still the generation of miracles and they even have Kuroko back, along with Kagami and Takao. There really is no reason to go overboard like that.

Satsuki told him that Kise texted her the details for their plans and that he apologized. She seemed happy but that was all they talked about apparently. She means they would talk in person and that she understands why Kise didn’t tell her more over the phone. It furies Aomine that she didn’t dig deeper when she had him on the line. But it doesn’t matter, he’ll see him tonight. He still got the key after all.

Outside it’s beautiful, still cold as fuck, but the sun is shining. He sits in his only class for the day, not paying attention. He goes to practice and almost gets into a fight with Kagami again. Always trying to challenge him and not listening to what Akashi was saying. Aomine liked riling him up but not today. He snaps at Midorima who thinks he could intervene and earns himself a destroying glare from Takao. _Whatever_ , he thinks, letting it slide. He’s not so stupid not to know the others are still treading around him.

He heads home again, showers there and with bitter hopefulness he packs a few things for staying the night at Kise’s loft. He’s anxious, not knowing what to find there. Will he be high? Most likely. Does he want to see him? Probably not, minding him blocking Aomine out these past days. Maybe he’s not even home. It doesn’t matter. He’ll wait for him if he has to.

Aomine leaves, coming up with scenarios in his head. Making himself more nervous. He rides the train, his headphones on trying to block out the world around him. It’s dark outside and he can see his reflection in the window. Should he just tell him? Would it make a difference? He really doesn’t know. His brain says no, but his heart wants to believe yes. Maybe it’s too late. The thought makes him wince.

When he unlocks the door, the loft seems empty. It’s completely dark inside and there are no sounds, indicating that someone is inside. He closes the door and slips out of his shoes and jacket. He walks inside thinking maybe Kise really isn’t home, but then he finds him sleeping in his bed. Aomine is shocked what these last four days did to him. He’s not only pale, he is white. His eyes are circled dark and he looks frail as a whole. Aomine kneels down next to his head and strokes back his blond hair, gently feeling his temperature. It’s normal, a bit warm. He softly presses two fingers into the soft skin beneath his jawline, just like he did a few days ago. His heart is beating, slow and weak but it’s beating. His eyes are met with golden ones when he looks back up. A warm hand takes his and pulls away his fingers from his throat.

“So you finally decided to use the key I gave you.”

“You were blocking me out again.”

“I gave you my key.”

Suddenly Aomine feels really stupid and regrets that he didn’t come sooner.

“It was a busy week I’m sorry.”

Kise just continues to stare at him expressionless.

“And I got the feeling you don’t want to see me, last time we-“ the words get stuck in his throat.

“Hmh.” Kise hums, closing his eyes. Somehow it feels strange not hearing him say things like _, I always want to see you,_ or _you can come here as often as you want_.

“Do you want me to leave again?”

“Do whatever you want.” Kise mumbles and let’s go of his hand.

This is not quite how he expected him to say it. Aomine gets the familiar sense of being unwanted, of being a nuisance, he’s getting insecure again. But he knows Kise is just giving him the freedom to leave if he really wants to. He knows that because despite everything he’s still Kise.

Aomine gets up, walks around the bed and slides under the blanket behind him, winding his arm over his waist and gives a soft kiss to his neck. Kise doesn’t react, but he can feel that this is ok.

“I missed you.” He whispers, not knowing if the other had fallen back asleep.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Kise mumbles into his pillow.

Aomine knows he’s built up a wall. He had to. Aomine wants to tell him that he loves him too. He finally wants him to know, but not like this. Kise is too far gone. He pulls him closer, nuzzling his face into the crook of Kise’s neck and feels him drifting back to sleep in his arms.


	13. R.I.P. 2 my youth

R.I.P. 2 my youth – the neighbourhood

-

Aomine wakes up to a text from Kuroko.

 _Seijuro wants us to meet an hour before the game to warm up. Momoi-san said she can’t come today, that’s why I’m telling you directly_.

Aomine huffs. Does he think Satsuki is his mom or what? When he turns around he finds he’s alone. Kise is gone and there is no sound in the spacious loft indicating otherwise. He gets up and sees he’s overslept, it’s almost noon. He quickly searches all the rooms to make sure that he missed him. Aomine finds a note at the bedside table, where usually he leaves them for Kise.

_Needed to get up early. Sorry I’m taking Momocchi from you today. I’ll make sure, she’ll have a nice evening._

“Huh.”

He’s used to people being intimidated by him, especially when it comes to Satsuki, but this reads wrong somehow. Aomine knows Kise will always try to make her smile. Isn’t that why he cut her out of his life these past years? He knows Kise is as protective over her as he is himself.

He heads home to eat something and get ready for tonight. He knows from Satsuki that their fashion thing is supposed to start at 05:00 pm. His match is later at 06:00 and will last until 07:30 at least. Maybe he can catch up to them after it.

+++

“Hey Momocchi.”

Kise smiles down at Satsuki who just opened her door for him, standing there, starring. He can see the tears well up in her eyes before she promptly bursts out crying and falls him around his neck. He has to crack a smile and hug her back.

“Ki-chan!” She wails not ready to let go of him so soon.

“Ne ne Momocchi.” He pats her back and feels a flood of emotions inside of him. He’s glad he

came prepared, letting him suppress these feelings for now. He somehow managed to get just the right balance for tonight. He hopes it last long enough.

Satsuki looks up at him through her tears and cups his face with her hands. “It’s really you, you are really here.”

“Who else would it be?” He smiles softly and she finally let’s go of him.

“I thought I’d get here earlier. I’m sure you wanna catch up.” It would have been naïve to think he could dodge the subject completely.

But before he can say anything else her face contorts, and she cries out again hiding against his chest and actually making him laugh.

“I missed you so so much Ki-chan.”

“Calm down Momocchi, I’m here now. Let’s go inside ok?” She nods, sniffing and wiping her face. She lets him in, and they sit down at her kitchen table. Kise doesn’t miss how she observes him. He knows how trained her eyes are to detect the wrongs in his movements, as subtle as they may be. She knows he is not sober, and she also doesn’t comment on it. Aomine still must tell her everything. Kise smirks inwardly. Of course.

“How are you?” she asks and there is no reproach or apprehension in her voice, for which he’s thankful.

“I’m ok.” It feels wrong to lie to her. “And you?”

He can see her fighting back another burst of tears. She puts down a mug of coffee in front of him and sits down.

“I’m fine.” She says with a soft smile.

Kise musters all his courage, not wanting to beat around the bush. This evening is supposed to be good for her and for him, not awkward.

“I guess Daiki told you everything?”

Satsuki swallows her astonishment faster than he expected. With a sad smile she looks at the mug in her hands.

“Yeah, he did.”

“I’m sorry I shut you out. I didn’t want to-”

Satsuki shakes her head.

“No Ki-chan, I am sorry. In the beginning I was shocked; I have to admit that. But after seeing how Dai-chan talked about you. How he was when he came from you, I was so worried about him. I didn’t think about reaching you. I was so angry back then and… I am sorry.”

He sees the regret in her, making his heart ache.

“No. It would have been useless. I wouldn’t have talked to you, that is not your fault Momocchi.” He avoids her eyes and tries to keep calm. This is going to be more difficult than he already knew.

“Why now?”

A cold shiver runs down his spine.

“He didn’t tell you.”

“Tell me what?

Kise stares at the floor, contemplating if he should tell her. If he could say those words again without breaking down.

“Last Sunday I…”

She doesn’t push him and gives him the time he needs to finish his sentence.

“I told him that I love him.”

Kise knows Satsuki must at least have suspected this long ago. The throb in his chest gets a little stronger and he fumbles with the small plastic container in his pockets.

“Thank god.” Satsuki sighs and falls back in her seat in relieve. “I knew that something happened, he really wasn’t himself this week.”

Kise doesn’t comment on her relief, he doesn’t understand it.

“Ki-chan you know him. He will need some time to get his protozoan head out of his ass and answer you.”

“I never said he didn’t answer.”

“Did he?”

“…no.”

Satsuki smiles knowingly.

“I’m not sure I want him to.”

She reaches over the table, taking his hand in hers and suddenly it feels as if the last three years didn’t happen. They talk about everything and everyone. Kise listens and loves how she can give him another point of view than Aomine. Well, he didn’t really want him to tell him too much to begin with. He loves hearing about him from her. She tells him how she has to force him to keep studying and not succumb to his idiotic _ball is life_ motto. Of course he is aware of how careful she talks about it, especially when it came to basketball, but he doesn’t mind it all. This is a long-lost past for him and he decided not to dwell on it anymore. He just feels good to be here with her, with a friend. He avoids the drug subject completely and she lets him. Obviously, she wants this evening to be enjoyable too. He doesn’t blame her for that.

When they finally look at the time, they are shocked at how late it had become. Kise silently, that he made it so long without medicating. They hurry and he helps her picking out an outfit for tonight and does her hair. Kise had ordered a limousine to pick them up and Satsuki actually turns red at that making him laugh.

“This is an apology present from me to you. You know I don’t do things half assed.”

They climb inside and he pours her a glass of champagne. After that he takes a glass for himself, feeling her eyes watching his every move, then he sighs.

“Are you gonna keep observing me like that for the rest of the evening?”

She blushes immediately, but he still smiles. “It’s ok, I feel fine. A glass of champagne is really nothing to worry about.” He feels responsible for the shame in her face but overplays it and tells her about how things are going to go when they arrive. They will enter through a back entrance and head for the VIP area. He tells her about the people they will meet, and he effectively directs her attention away from himself.

She’s a great actress. Way better than Aomine, and Kise has so much more pressure to keep up his façade. He can’t tell if she notices his shaking hands or when the lights suddenly get too bright and he has to blink to try and keep his cool. He’s good at hiding, he always was, but he’s not sure if she isn’t better in detecting. A woman’s intuition indeed. He swallows his hurt as best as he can. He wants to treasure every second with her without thinking too much.

Nevertheless, the evening is fun, and he loves how she can appreciate everything. He always got along better with her than anyone else. Except for Aomine of course.

“Ne Momocchi? Heard anything from Daiki? He’s playing tonight, isn’t he?”

Satsuki takes a look at her watch and realizes how late it’s become. The game must long be over.

“Damn I forgot to check my phone.” She rummages in her purse and Kise grins.

“He told me how mad you get at him when he’s not calling you back.”

Satsuki shoots him a glare. “Must be your influence then.”

“Yeah, must be.” He mumbles more to himself when she finds it and shrieks.

They walk outside so she can call Aomine back who called her exactly 17 times.

“That little shit.” She mutters under her breath.

Kise has his hands in his pockets, walking half a step behind her as if he’s her bodyguard.

“Dai-chan I’m so sorry, it was so loud inside I didn’t-“

Kise can hear the deep sonorous voice on the other end but is too far away to make out words.

“Yes I know. How was the game?”

Kise’s eyes wander around the backyard where a few groups of people gathered for a quick smoke break. He thinks he can leave her for a minute. He waves his hand to get her attention and points towards the bathrooms and she nods.

He wants to do it quick. Get a stall, take a line, get back out. He’s out of pills for today and regrets not bringing more. He really though he could do it with just one as a fallback. His heart starts pumping and he takes in a deep breath. It takes a moment before the rush in his brain slows down and he can see clear again. Way better than before.

He exits the stall and runs directly into Orihata Yuu. Also a model and somehow he annoys Kise, always following behind him.

“Kise-san, I thought I already missed you. I heard you would be here too.”

“Orihata-san.” He forces a smile.

“You look a little flustered, wanna join us at the after party?”

“Sorry I’ll have to pass today. I’m here with a friend.” He excuses himself and leaves the bathroom but Orihata doesn’t let him get away so easily.

He follows behind him and throws his arm over Kise’s shoulder.

“Come on, a little speed and your pissy attitude will go away.”

To his shock Satsuki is waiting for him right outside and hears what they are talking about. Kise shoves him off and almost yells.

“I said no. Piss off.”

Orihata just smirks nastily. “I see.” He musters Satsuki who looks from Kise to him with big eyes.

“And you little missy? Down for some fun?”

Kise has him up against the wall by his collar before he knows what he’s doing.

“Don’t talk to her.” He hisses.

Orihata suddenly reminds him of someone when he licks his lips, and his smirk gets wider.

“Maybe a little oxy will calm you down again. Looks like you are trying to compensate.” A small plastic bottle appears next to his face and Orihata shakes it invitingly.

Kise lets go off him, not without shoving him once more for good measure.

“Let’s go Momocchi.”

Satsuki follows behind him looking back at Orihata who still grinned at them but shrugs his shoulders and walks away.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” He mutters through gritted teeth.

“It’s ok.”

“It’s not.”

“Please Ki-chan calm down.”

“I CAN’T!” He stops and swats away her hand with which she wanted to stop him.

She stares at him and to confuse him even more her face is stern.

“You don’t have to lie to me, you know? I know what you did in there.”

This was even worse than when she would be empathetic or even put off. That shame he feels and how his huddled mind doesn’t come up with a way out of this. He regrets bringing her here. He regrets putting her in a situation like this. He regrets letting her see him like this.

“Ki-chan?”

He looks to the floor, trying not to let her see his eyes. He knows he must look mad right now. The coke is not letting his rage simmer down, quite the opposite.

“Wanna leave here?”

“Yes. I’m sorry.” He more knows he should apologize than actually wanting to. He’s just glad she’s offering him a way out.

To his big surprise she takes his hand and leads the way. She pulls him through the crowd in front of the bar and into the hallway leading to the exit. He follows behind her, his hand slack in hers, not really knowing how to behave towards her. He is using all his willpower to fight his high, only achieving a headache from it. He needs another line. Or oxy. Or both. This is too draining.

Outside he can feel the cold air hitting his feverish face and he finds himself sweating.

“Walk a bit or taxi?”

Kise can’t help himself but to crack a small smile at her ruthless tone.

“Walking actually sounds really good.”

The past minutes feel like hours to him. He still tries to focus and slowly it works.

“So this is how you got into this mess?”

He just loves her straightforwardness. Just pushing unnecessary empty phrases out of the way and getting straight to the point.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“That guy seemed like an asshole.” She states, strolling beside him with her hands casually swaying.

“He’s not actually. He’s just in idiot.”

“You all are.”

He laughs. “You’re right.”

“So? Are you going to tell me what I can do to make you feel better?”

“There’s nothing you can do-“

“I don’t mean right now. I mean overall.”

He glances at her sideways but doesn’t know what exactly he should answer.

“I mean about Dai-chan, and you. I know I can’t do anything against this.” She motions with her hands in his direction and Kise finds it actually endearing how she still tries to avoid saying it out loud. It must be harder for her than she lets on. He hates himself a little more at that thought.

“Can you turn back time?” he asks glum.

“I can’t, but I can make Dai-chan do whatever I see fit.” She grins at him and he hates to kill it, but he says:

“Even when it comes to me? You can’t make him love me.”

Her grin doesn’t fade but turns into a gentle smile.

“No I can’t do that. But this isn’t my task to begin with.”

Kise huffs.

“You know I really thought I could make this evening work.” He looks up the dark night sky.

“Who says you didn’t?”

It’s hard to keep up with her, even for him. He doesn’t remember her being so unwaveringly positive. Or maybe he just isn’t the same anymore.

“I’m so grateful you finally talk to me again Ki-chan. It doesn’t matter what happens around you. I just want to be your friend again.”

There’s a sting in his chest when she implies he hasn’t been her friend anymore. But he knows that is not what she meant.

“Me too Momocchi. I’m really glad you even want to talk to me.”

“No don’t.” She stops and holds a finger in front of his face to get his full attention.

“Don’t get sad now. I still got something for you. You’ll need to keep your composure until then.”

He forces himself to smile. “Yeah? What is it?”

“You’ll see when we’re home. Come on, let’s get a taxi, it’s freezing if you haven’t noticed.”

Inside the car, she holds his hand. And for a few minutes they don’t talk.

“Ki-chan?”

“Yeah?”

“Promise me not to block me out anymore. I don’t want to lose you again.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No it’s fine, just promise me.”

“I promise.”

She squeezes his large hand with her tiny one and he feels like screaming. He doesn’t want to let go.

They stop in front of his building and Satsuki hugs him, long and hard before she finally let’s go of him. “Promise me not to be too mad ok? He’s waiting at the door.”

Kise thinks he knows what her “present” to him is but why would he be mad about that? Again he says, “I promise” with a heavy heart and she lets go of him.

“I want to see you soon ok?”

“Ok.”

Kise watches as she climbs back into the taxi, feeling as if she’s taking a part of him with her. When it drives off he walks over the street wondering why Aomine would wait at the door. He has a key after all. But it isn’t Aomine waiting for him, it’s…

“Kuroko.” In his surprise Kise even forgets to add his trademark suffix.

“Kise-kun. Nice to see you.” Kuroko nods at him. „Momoi-san asked me to talk to you tonight. Do you mind if we go inside? It’s cold.”

Kise stares, not sure if he wants to and a little overwhelmed at that.

“Uhm sure.” He lets them in. Kuroko follows behind him. In the elevator Kise feels trapped. Kuroko is just silently looking at him. He’s not sure if he’s observing him or just staring, anyhow it sends a chill down his spine. He hasn’t changed, still small, his face still youthful and his icy blue eyes still not letting on what he’s really thinking.

By now the cocaine has almost lost its effect and left him tired and with a headache. Kise is relieved after getting inside his loft. Kuroko still hasn’t sad a word. He offers him a drink, but Kuroko declines politely.

“How was your match?” He asks slumping down with a beer himself.

“We won.”

“Congrats.”

“Thanks.”

Kise tenses up more. It is so easy talking to Satsuki, not so much with Kuroko.

“Kurokocchi, won’t you tell me why you are here?”

The smaller man is looking around his spacious living room, but Kise can’t tell if he’s impressed or condescending. His hands still twitch, and he has to fight to keep his legs still.

“Seijuro sends me here just so you know, but I would have come anyways. Momoi-san called earlier and asked me to come here now.”

“I heard you and Akashicchi are together now?” Kise is sincerely happy about this and he hopes it shows on his face when he smiles at Kuroko.

“Yes.”

“I’m really happy for you.”

“Thank you. Kise-kun are you alright?”

A sharp pained flared up in his head, making him flinch and pressing his eyes shut.

“Yeah just gimme a sec.” He pants and pinches the bridge of his nose.

Kuroko waits until he looks at him again.

“I’m sorry Kurokocchi, I’m not sure how long you should stay. I-“

“That’s why I’m here. Seijuro wants to let you know that his family owns a hospital. It’s outside of Tokyo but not too far away. It’s more of a rehab center than a hospital actually.”

There’s a ringing starting in Kise’s ears and the pain in his head flares up once more.

“Nice.” He says, suddenly wanting to get him out of here as fast as possible.

“Won’t you consider his offer at least?”

“I’m fine.” Kise wants to yell at him, he doesn’t want his stupid rehab or their pity.

“You don’t look fine Kise-kun.”

Through a haze of tears he can see that Kuroko got up from his seat and is walking towards him.

“Stay away… I said I’m fine.” He stands up too, not knowing for a second if he’ll fall back again.

“I don’t need rehab.” He grits out, rubbing his temples. He knows he must look insane.

“Kise-kun, I didn’t expect you to just except this offer. Think about it.”

“Alright I’ll think about it.”

“I’m glad I got to see you again.”

What? What is that supposed to mean? He’s not laying on his death bed. Couldn’t he just say he’s glad to see him, period?

“I need to go now.”

Kise can feel a warm hand on his arm, with which he’s holding his head. The ringing in his ears getting louder each second.

“Please call if you need us.”

And with that the hand is gone and he hears Kuroko leaving.

As soon as the door falls into the lock he stumbles into his bathroom. He finds the white plastic bottle and with shaky hands he struggles to open it. His headache now spreading over his neck down his spine and everywhere. He can’t see through the tears in his eyes, he can’t think because of the unbearable ring in his ears. He breaks down onto the cold tiles of his bathroom floor.

This is one of the worst evenings in his life. He couldn’t keep it together in front of Satsuki. He couldn’t have a normal conversation with Kuroko. He’s simply not capable of seeing his old friends anymore. He tried to keep it down. He tried to take as little as possible, just to make it through the day. This is what he gets for it now.


	14. My blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm an idiot and I accidentally uploaded the wrong chapter just now. This is the right one so here ya go.

My blood – Twenty One Pilots

-

The small bottle in his hand is taken away. Strong arms pull him up and someone carries him. He can’t see who it is though he has an idea. He is put down on his bed and feels a large hand sliding over his feverish forehead. There’s a clack and a rattle before something is pushed into his hand. He feels a small round pill and knows what this means.

“Don’t make me shove it down your throat.” He hears a deep voice somewhere above him. The resentment in it clear as day.

He tries raising up his hand, but his limps are filled with lead and he can’t even tell if he moved at all. The pill is taken from his hand again, followed by a finger stroking over his bottom lip.

“Open up.”

He does as he’s told and parts his lips. The pill is gently pushed between them and he can taste it on his tongue.

“Come on Ryou, you have to swallow.”

It takes longer this time. The effect of the oxy needs time to set in. The first thing to happen is that he stops shivering. The pain becomes dull but doesn’t fade completely. He opens his eyes and finds Aomine sitting on the edge of the bed, his back turned to him and hunched over. Kise needs a second one but is scared he’s straining his luck.

“Daiki?” He rasps.

Aomine perks up and turns his head to look at him.

Kise doesn’t know what to say. He feels so humiliated. That Aomine had to do this, that Satsuki and Kuroko had to see him like that. The look on Aomine’s face only confirms that this is the only appropriate feeling to have right now. Kise wants to cry but the oxy makes him dull enough not to. He should just stop existing. He should just do what he thought about so often and just swallow the whole bottle at once. Taking all his pain with him and finally set Aomine free, from it all.

“You lied to me.”

Aomine looks back at his hands and Kise sees he’s holding his pill bottle.

“Two aren’t only a little. It’s a lot.”

Kise remembers withholding that he’d actually taken three that night.

“I was having a little conversation with Midorima, he studies medicine now, if you can remember. If I would take two of these-“ he holds the bottle into the only light spilling into the room from the open bathroom door. “I’d probably be in a coma.”

Aomine turns around again, looking directly at him. Kise wants nothing more than to hide, to crawl into a hole and die. The hurt in his heart is so unbearable.

“I was on my way here when Satsuki called and told me to wait because Tetsu was here. I met him downstairs and he only told me to hurry.”

Kise coughs out a joyless laugh. “What is this a relay and I’m your baton?”

Aomine just stares, not answering his desperate attempt to lighten the mood.

“This needs to stop now Ryouta.”

The pain in Aomine’s voice is unbearable.

“I tried.”

“No, not good enough Ryou. You need to try harder.”

“I can’t.”

“Since when are you so quick to give up.”

Kise can’t go on. The tears eventually breaking through, streaming hot down his face.

Aomine puts the bottle on the nightstand. He moves and climbs on top of him, sinking his body down as if he wants them to melt together. He embraces his head and buries his face into the crook of his neck.

“I can’t do this anymore. It hurts so much seeing you like this.” Kise hears the words muffled but right next to his ear, letting him find his voice again.

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to stay.”

Aomine doesn’t say anything and doesn’t move. Kise feels suffocated, not by the weight on top of him, but from everything else. His resolve getting clearer and clearer. He can’t escape his addiction. He knows that. He needs to help Aomine to let him go. He knows Aomine’s heart is too brittle, too good that he would ever leave him. Kise didn’t save his life just to destroy it afterwards, he wants him to be free.

“Daiki?”

“Hmh?”

“I want to take back what I said to you.”

“What?”

“I loved you, I could never deny that. But not anymore.”

Aomine had raised his head to look at him. With an unbelieving frown on his face he stares down at Kise.

“You can’t be serious.”

Kise swallows, the chemical in his bloodstream helping him to sink into the numbness he needs right now. He sits up, pushing Aomine off of him.

“I’m sorry I said that and I’m sorry for everything else. But this is becoming too much for me.”

“You just want to force me away. I know you don’t mean that.”

Despite his angry tone Kise sees the incredulousness in his deep blue eyes, the sorrow.

“No I mean it. We were amazing Daiki. We both and we could have made it together, but since I can’t play anymore…” he needs to play this card, as much as it hurts, he needs to. “You changed Daiki. You are not the same as you were. Since I don’t follow you anymore. I can’t live with your pity, with your guilt. It’s dragging me down.”

Kise can actually see the moment Aomine’s heart breaks and he knows it’s over. He destroyed his last chance in life. He destroyed Aomine Daiki.

“You mean you’d be better off without me.” Aomine’s words travel through the space between them, as if they were coming from far away, he can barely hear them.

“Is that all?”

Kise nods mechanically. He shuts down, not thinking about the warm pressure that had been on him just a second ago. Not thinking about the scent still lingering around him, or the deep voice that made his heart skip a beat when it says his name.

Kise stares at his own hands, not even seeing them. All he hears is static in his brain and darkness spreads at his periphery. He senses how Aomine gets up, he knows the look on his face with which he must be staring at him right now. He can’t take it and closes his eyes just in case. He hears heavy footsteps moving away, leaving. And that was it.


	15. Devils don't fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has two songs:  
> Devils don’t fly – Natalia Kills / is the sole reason I wrote this  
> Everything I wanted – Billie Eilish / this is the mood I imagine Kise being in in this

Everything I wanted – Billie Eilish 

-

The lights from the city beneath him are glistening and glimmering beautifully. He can see the small cars moving through the streets, like blood cells moving through the veins of one huge entity. It’s so relaxing. He watches them, sitting in the dark, swirling the drink in his glass, not thinking about anything in particular. He just enjoys the calmness that had finally set in after he’d taken another pill.

_If I would take two of them I’d probably be in a coma._

Kise feels as if that is exactly what he is, in a coma. He reaches for the bottle next to him on the floor and pops another one, swallowing it down with the vodka. The numbness gets stronger. It doesn’t take so long anymore since he doesn’t have to fight the symptoms of withdrawal.

One to numb the pain, two and he can feel good again, three and he’s floating. He sees things that he knows aren’t really there. He hears voices that are calling to him, softly from directions he can’t make out. The sound of glasses chime and fake laughter echoes through his hazy mind. The sound of a basketball hitting the ground, the squeak of shoes and slamming doors. The lights become so much more beautiful and intense. Like the sun, like the warm touch on his skin he knows he’ll never feel again. He doesn’t need it anymore; he has something to make up for that. The real thing is just overly valued. Not necessary in the long run. Or so he tells himself. Who cares, there’s no way to get it back so he might as well take this instead.

He pours himself another shot, the ice in his glass chinks as it melts a little more. The pain in his chest is gone. The image of Aomine’s face, the hurt and the doubt, he pushes it away. Far back in his head and buries it under his older memories when things were different. The face Aomine made when he saw him the first time, when he was watching him through the entrance of their old gym at Teiko. He remembers that smile when he dunked and landed on the floor, sweat dripping down and so alive. He remembers how that energy had pulled him in and how desperately he’d wanted to see that again and again and again.

He remembers Aomine when they were together with Satsuki and Kuroko and the others. When they were carefree and just a group of friends who played basketball together. He remembers how Aomine looked when he was grumpy and how he bantered with Satsuki or him. Kise can’t help but crack a smile at the memory of them, getting snacks at the convenience store around the corner. Going to a public hard pitch after practice for another one on one and after Kise lost again another one. Satsuki always on the side, cheering him on when he managed to get one through.

He remembers Aomine’s astonished face when he did beat him eventually in their last year of high school and how relieved Kise was to find that it had been the right thing to keep trying so hard all along. That same smile from the day they first met, he got to see that again.

Then thoughts of their first time intrude his memory. He’d been so surprised that Aomine not only immediately followed his invitation after they hadn’t seen each other for a year. He also didn’t fight him off when Kise, drunk and sad and lonely at the time, had kissed him. He’d just kissed him back, not a second of hesitation in him, no questions asked. Kise had been so taken aback by this, by himself for initiating it in the first place and the acceptance he received. Aomine didn’t push him away, he never did. Not even in Aomine’s own darkest time when he lost his will to play and when he was depressed himself. Not even then did he not at least feel a little excitement before their matches. Kise remembers how Aomine almost missed his first game against Kuroko and didn’t play in most of Touou’s games overall. He later learned from Satsuki that Aomine had been especially early for their match and how surprised she had been about it. Kise remembers the hope and the happiness he’d felt hearing that.

He pops another pill, feeling too much again all of a sudden.

No Aomine never would have let him go on his own. Kise doesn’t know what exactly he did to deserve this. If he could start it all over, he can’t think about one thing he would do differently. Not a single one. Maybe this had just been his role in Aomine’s life. Maybe he just couldn’t accept that that is all, and he wasn’t supposed to wish for more. Maybe that’s what brought all this chaos over them. He was supposed to save Aomine, not the other way around.

He takes four more pills, emptying another glass of vodka. Letting the numbness swallow him, letting the darkness drown him. There’s nothing left for him here.


	16. Jumsuit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just because it feels wrong to cut it here I'll upload this too. So five chapters a day.  
> Tomorrow I'll follow up with the rest.

Jumpsuit – Twenty One Pilots

-

The dent in the elevator is mocking him, forcing him to remember the feeling that had let to it. This feeling now is a completely different one. It’s rage, unadulterated, burning rage. Aomine kicks the small dent and punches the wall making the elevator shake dauntingly. He swallows a shout into a growl of frustration. He needs to get out. The doors open and he storms out, pushing the glass doors of the building so violently he’s surprised they don’t break. He wouldn’t care either way.

How could this happen? Why did he wait so long? It is too late now, he knows that. It’s eating him up inside. Like poison his despair spreads and leaves him completely ruined. There is nothing he can do anymore. He’d missed his chance. He’d failed.

He doesn’t know how he got home; he can’t remember. Pacing up and down, frantically thinking of what to do now. He finds the small metal box; angry he hadn’t gotten rid of it sooner. He throws it at the wall with force and rage, the white powder escapes and dusts the walls and the floor.

He yells and knows it won’t relive his pain, his fury, but he can’t hold it back anymore. Sinking to the ground he tries to find something to get his frustration out on. Only one thing comes to his mind and he immediately hates himself for it, but he doesn’t care right now.

After a moment of reconsidering he gets up and walks into the kitchen. His liquor shelf isn’t as neatly stocked as Kise’s but the cheap Vodka from his last birthday party and a few beer will have to do. He isn’t used to drinking hard stuff without mixing it and it burns in his throat, but he doesn’t care. He feels it spread cold in his stomach and concentrates on the slight numbness it creates. It’s not enough. He walks back into his living room and crashes on his sofa. He takes another sip, realizing he’s not enough of a drinker to keep this up. He’s gonna vomit before he’ll be intoxicated enough to get something out of it.

Sitting up he puts the bottle down and opens a beer. This is better, slower but not so terrible as the pure vodka. He switches between the two drinks every time he feels his stomach has calmed enough to take another shot. He doesn’t know how long he’s lying there, drinking and trying to not do something desperate. His thoughts are huddled up, with no specific direction. This is his own fault he knows it. He waited too long. He let Kise suffer, he didn’t tell him, he didn’t _answer_ him. Why?

The alcohol only makes him dizzy and sick. He’s calmer yes but it doesn’t feel better at all. When his phone rings he’s inclined to smash it against the wall as hard as he can, just like the small metal box. It’s Satsuki.

“What do you want?” he wants to yell at her for calling him so late at night but then he hears her sob.

“Ki-chan is-“

Aomine sits up and forces his whole concentration on Satsuki’s voice.

“He is what Satsuki? Spit it out.”

“He’s at the hospital. Tetsu-kun called Akashi-kun and told him what happened. They thought he might-“ Her words get jumbled and Aomine can hear her struggling to breath between her sobs.

“Where exactly is he?” He knows this is not what Kise would want. He is shocked by himself that he’s so willing to get back to him so fast. But if something seriously happens-

He stops his train of thought right there and asks again. “Satsuki you need to tell me where he is. NOW!”

“Shinjuku health center. Akashi is there too-“ Aomine kills the call and is on his feet in a heartbeat. He forgets his jacket and storms out the door, calling a taxi.


	17. Shipwreck

Shipwreck – Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker

-

“What do you mean I can’t go in there, just watch me!”

Aomine pushes Kuroko and Satsuki to the side.

“Dai-chan NO!”

“Aomine-kun stop.”

“Get out of my way.” Aomine growls at Kagami who is now blocking his way.

“You seriously need to calm down Ao-“

“I AM FUCKING CALM NOW PISS OFF!”

He shoves Kagami making him stumble back but not giving in.

“YOU CAN’T HELP HIM IDIOT!”

“FUCK OFF ASSHOLE!”

“Dai-chan please…” Satsuki hasn’t stopped crying since she called Aomine. She is standing behind him, shaking and pleading for him to stop.

“I’ll seriously hurt you if you don’t get out of my way Kagami.”

Aomine is shaking trying to keep his fists at his side. Kagami stares back at him not moving an inch.

“DAIKI!”

All of them freeze immediately. No one has ever heard Akashi yell like that, ever.

“Thank you Taiga. You can sit down now.”

There’s a moment of hesitance in Kagami’s face but he does as he’s told, slowly sitting down in one of the chairs of the hospital hallway.

“Daiki you too.”

“No thanks I’m good.” Aomine grits out trough his teeth.

“Sit down!”

Aomine turns around, staying where he is.

“Do you really think this is helping Ryouta at all? You’re drunk and distraught. He’s being treated right now. What will you do when you get to him?”

Aomine glowers at Akashi, knowing he is right and still…

“I need to see him. I need to know if he is alive.”

“And he needs you stay away now.”

That one hit. He glowers at Akashi for a moment longer before he gives in. He sinks down in a chair opposite of Kagami and buries his face in his hands.

“Good. And now we wait.”

Aomine almost starts yelling again but bites his tongue. He knows Akashi can and will remove him from here if he wants to. He more feels, than sees Satsuki standing in front of him. When he looks up he sees her puffy and tear-stained face, shakily looking down at him. He sighs.

“C’mere.”

She clumsily pulls a chair next to him and sits down, tense and shivering. He lays his arm around her shoulders and awkwardly pulls her closer, which is not so easy considering the armrests between them. She starts sobbing again and hides her face under his shoulder.

To Aomine’s big surprise Akashi and Kuroko sit down too. He thought they might leave. His gaze wanders over to Kagami in front of him, having his arms crossed over his chest, and his eyes still fixed on Aomine. He can see how he tenses up when their eyes meet.

“Why are you even here?” he snaps.

“Because Kuroko called me. And now I get why.”

“I called him to help and keep you under control.” Kuroko pipes up.

Aomine huffs. He leans back in his seat, taking Satsuki with him who is still buried under his arm.

Minutes pass excruciatingly slow. Two minutes, five minutes, seven, ten, fifteen, half an hour. The hospital is calm, it is way past midnight after all. Aomine feels as if this one day has lasted for at least a week. He is tired and sapped. The alcohol in his blood stream doesn’t quite help. He blinks and shakes his head, trying to stay awake.

Suddenly the door they’re waiting in front of, swings open. A doctor followed by two nurses emerges and looks at them. Aomine jerks up in his seat and Satsuki holds onto his sweater looking spooked.

“Kise-san is alive, and his condition is stable now.”

The tension in the hallway fades and Aomine can hear people sighing.

“When can I see him?” he stands up.

“Not now. He’s asleep and he needs all the rest he can get. You can visit him when he doesn’t need to be ventilated anymore and when he’s awake tomorrow.”

Aomine steps towards the doctor making Satsuki gasps and Kagami stand up too.

“What does that mean?” Suddenly Aomine feels a hand on his shoulder. Akashi softly shakes his head and steps between him and the doctor, who frowns at them but keeps his stern demeanor.

“This means Kise-san had problems breathing on his own. This is a common reaction from Opioid overdose. Tomorrow we will see if his brain has taken any damage.”

Aomine doesn’t understand a word that is said.

“Thank you doctor. I believe there is a spare room on the fourth floor. Two of us will stay tonight.”

“Akashi-san.” The doctor bows and walks away, the two nurses following behind.

“Daiki?”

Aomine’s rigid form flinches and he looks at Akashi.

“You and Satsuki can stay. We will be here tomorrow morning and then see how Ryouta is doing.”

“I don’t get it.”

Akashi doesn’t repeat his words and one might think that there is something resembling sympathy on his unreadable face.

“Dai-chan?”

He looks down at Satsuki who finally stopped crying.

“We can stay. Aka-chan says there’s a room-“

“No I mean… what was that about his brain?” Aomine looks back at Akashi who crooks his head to the side as if he is thinking about something.

“I’ve heard about opioids being very damaging for your lunges and brain. When you od it can happen that your lunges stop working or you brain gets seriously damaged from the lack of oxygen.”

“What does that mean?”

“That can mean everything from concentration problems to losing your senses like hearing or vision. Losing memory, coordination and-“

“NO!”

“I’m afraid so, Daiki.”

“No…”

“Dai-chan?”

Aomine stares at the door. The door leading to where Kise presumably is somewhere behind. Satsuki gently pulls on his arm and makes him walk with her. He feels dissociated and can’t bring himself to protest. She leads him down the hallway and he knows Akashi and the others are there too. Akashi leads them to an elevator, up to the fourth floor, down another hallway and stops in front of a plain white door.

"The room is empty. It’s for nurses and doctors when they have nightshifts. You two can stay here until tomorrow. We’ll meet you at the reception at 08:00 am."

Aomine hears Satsuki thanking him and then they leave. She opens the door and pulls him inside. There a two separate beds, a window, a wardrobe and a sink under a small mirror. Still lead by her, Aomine sinks down on one of the beds and stares at the plain white wall.

“You need to sleep, Dai-chan.” The worry in her voice is clear as she sits down on the other bed.

“I don’t think I can.”

“You need to.”

“I left…”

…

“I left him alone.”

“Dai-chan look at me.”

He does and finds Satsuki’s expression has become a little more collected, her tears are gone but there’s still painful sadness in her eyes.

“This is not your fault. I don’t care what you might think right now or how much you regret this; it isn’t your fault.” She empathizes her last words especially, holding his gaze. He has to break it. He’s completely depleted.

He doesn’t want to argue and just lies down in all his clothes. Turning his back to her and closing his eyes. He can hear her shift and probably getting under the covers. Maybe he should try to sleep. Maybe he’ll wake up tomorrow finding that all this had just been a horrible nightmare. Just a bad dream.


	18. When i was older

When I was older – Billie Eilish

-

Kise is floating. Not like he feels when the drugs hit his system, he is really actually floating. Completely detached from his body, drifting in impermeable darkness. Then images flare up before his inner eye, like an old projector makes them, the visuals not sharp enough to really make out what they are showing. Then there is sound, too far away to catch the meaning of it. Voices maybe. They get hectic and it irritates him. He wants them to stop. They don’t, they get louder and make him uneasy.

_Naloxone 2.0 mg_

_IV ready_

Kise doesn’t know what this means. He doesn’t really care, it’s annoying and he wants back into the comforting silence. He feels something and it scares him a little. He is not supposed to feel. Didn’t he make sure he never has to feel again? Is this a sick joke?

There’s heat and suddenly he can feel his right arm and his center, his heart. It burns and he doesn’t want that. So stressful, he thought he would be over stress. Why is he feeling stressed? It doesn’t make any sense.

He hears a heavy door falling shut and there’s brightness behind his closed eyelids. He thinks he frowns, but to be sure he would have to feel his face and he doesn’t. Suddenly he’s feeling more conscious again than if this all were just a dream. No pain, but a heavy feeling weighs him down. He can’t breathe and yet his brain is provided with oxygen. How? It feels wrong.

There’s movement, no he is moving. How can he be moving? The voices are closer now and he thinks he might hears someone cry but it’s gone too soon to be sure. There’s nothing to cry about he thinks irritated. Just a second ago everything had been just fine. Now the movement stops, and a really obnoxious loud beeping sound intrudes his muddled brain. He wishes someone would stop it.

The burn in his heart suddenly gets so intense. So intense he thinks he might vomit. He feels it spread throughout his whole body. It is everywhere and he still is nowhere. He doesn’t know how to get away from it. He can’t move, he can’t open his eyes, he can’t do anything but to lay there and let the burning proceed. Let it devour him.

He always thought dying like that would be peaceful. Funny, that this also didn’t come true. Hilarious even now that he thinks about it that way. But then again, did he really expect it to be that easy? Nothing is easy. Not even this. Pain had been such a big part in his life lately. He can’t really remember the life he had before it. Somehow the pain is soothing even. Familiar, like he’s not alone anymore. Like an old friend.

_Kise_

The voice calling his name is young and sounds so attractive. So deep and pleasant.

_Don’t be such a ball hog, pass for once._

_You are the ball hog_ , he answers. _I’m just trying to show you how annoying that is._ He passes anyway. He can have it. He would never deny the owner of that voice anything.

_Why did you do it?_

The voice asks him and Kise can hear the sadness in it. _Because I had to_ , isn’t that obvious?

_You could have died._

_No **I** **would** have died_, he thinks. _You got it all wrong_. Did he really save himself? He doesn’t know.

There’s light again. Not the artificial and brutal kind. Sunlight. Golden rays falling through the trees, warming his skin. He knows what day this is. He’s sitting with Aomine and Satsuki on the floor after he won his first and last one on one against him. He’s not really there, he knows that, but it still feels nice be here again. The exuberance, the joy of that day is so healing.

He feels gentle pressure on his lips, before opening his eyes and finding adult Aomine looking down at him. Surprise in his dark blue eyes but that’s all. Why did Kise search for a hint of hidden disgust or anger in him? He doesn’t know. He just knows this is what he wants. Aomine should look at him, just him.

_I was always looking at you. Always only you._

What is that even supposed to mean? That’s just ridiculous, Kise laughs. He really wants to know what it means.


	19. West Side

West Side – Ariana Grande

-

Kise’s throat hurts. He coughs and notices how hoars he is. The tremor of his cough shakes his whole body, and he realizes how weak he is. Opening his eyes takes everything he has. There’s light coming through a window, dull and gray, from the cloudy winter sky. Kinda looks like he feels. Before he can take in more of his situation a face appears in his field of vision. Fuzzy yet recognizable. He wants to laugh but it hurts his throat, and he coughs again instead.

“I should’ve known.” He rasps, his voice sounding like sandpaper. “This is just… too r-rich.” Tears well up in his eyes from the sting in his throat.

Aomine just stares at him, not saying a word. Kise’s vision gets clearer and he can see him sitting on a chair right next to him. Of fucking course. Where else would he be. He closes his eyes again and tries to take a deep breath.

“What do I… have to do? T-tell me please.”

“For what?”

“For you to g-give up on… m-me.”

“You can’t do anything about that. And before you keep talking like that, Satsuki is here too.”

Kise cracks open his eyes again and searches the room to find her standing at the foot of his bed. He can see how puffy her eyes are and how pale she is. He takes another deep breath and closes his eyes again. He would’ve liked to keep a better memory of her.

“You promised me.”

“Satsuki.”

“No he needs to hear this!”

“Not now!”

Kise sighs. “She is r-right. I lied to her.”

He looks at her again and damns his luck. This is not what he wanted to happen. He didn’t want to see their grieve and sorrow. Satsuki looks beyond furious, but she doesn’t yell.

“I’m gonna leave you two alone, but I promise you Ki-chan. I won’t leave this hospital before you explain to me exactly what you thought you were doing. And I can guarantee you, I won’t go easy on you.”

“That’s enough Satsuki.”

“I know you won’t.” Kise talks over Aomine not breaking eye-contact with her. She sighs, her shoulders slump down and she waves weakly at Aomine before turning around and leaving the room.

“Is it your turn now?” Kise asks already exhausted.

“I don’t need an explanation from you.” Aomine answers glum.

Kise rolls his head to the side, getting hit by vertigo from just this small action and Aomine must’ve noticed because suddenly he is closer and Kise is hit with his distinctive smell.

“I… I get why you did it.”

Kise huffs, his head still spinning.

They are suddenly interrupted by yesterday’s doctor entering the room, this time without his entourage. Aomine has to step back as the doctor checks Kise’s eyes and then uses his stethoscope to hear his heartbeat. Kise is asked if he knows what had happened and why he is here and Aomine feels the relief flooding him when Kise answers accurate.

The doctor explains a few tests they will have to run later that day and that he needs to be on his IV until then. He’s getting a substitute painkiller very similar to what he’s used to but nothing that can threaten his life. Kise nods but doesn’t react otherwise. They still will have to do another brain scan and CT from his lunges but other than that it seemed as if he’s over the worst. The drug he received when he arrived yesterday apparently cancels out his overdose. His body is strained but not in danger anymore.

The doctor leaves and it gets silent again. Aomine watches Kise glaring into space, not knowing what he should say.

“Why do you think you get it?” Kise breaks the silence eventually without looking at Aomine.

“I would have done the same.”

That gets his attention and Aomine again, stares into eyes like molten gold. Dull and bloodshot yes, but the color of his irises is still unchanged.

Aomine forces away his apprehension, the thought that this is not the right time or how he wanted it to be and says:

“Because I love you too. I wouldn’t survive losing you.”

…

…

“Do you know how long I’ve waited to hear those words from you?”

“I know.” Aomine feels ashamed and looks away.

“Why now Daiki?” he can hear the lump in Kise’s throat.

“Because I was so scared of losing you, I thought if I say it I would regret it sooner or later. But after you-“ his voice breaks but he goes on “ after you told me you wouldn’t love me anymore… I regretted it more than I thought I would.”

Kise still stares blankly at him before he states:

“You really mean it.”

Aomine’s heart clenches, is it really so hard to believe him?

“Of course I mean it, would I be here otherwise?”

“You’re an idiot Daiki.” Kise laughs and it’s strained but honest and Aomine’s heart skips a beat.

“Don’t just look like that come here already.” Kise weakly raises an arm and Aomine has to remind himself not to be too stormy. Only a heartbeat later he sits on his bed and leans down, cupping his face with both hands, their foreheads touching. Kise’s arms come around his neck, softly pulling him in and Aomine can’t help it anymore. His tears fall, silently but without restrain. All the tension he hasn’t realized he still carried falls from him. All the frustration and the pain and fear evaporate into thin air and are gone. Kise pulls him closer until their lips touch, gentle but certain. Aomine feels him sigh and it’s one of the most rewarding things. He knows Kise must feel similar to him.

When Aomine pulls back he says: “I’m not the only idiot here but I’ll take that one.”

Kise grins up at him and it’s the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

“I love you too Daiki.”


	20. The Judge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ups there's one more. I hope you don't mind me whiping out another chapter.  
> This needed to be the official ending. There is still a bonus chapter on the way (Because we haven't had some conclusive and much needed healing and fluffy smut). I will need a few days though still I haven finished that one yet.

The Judge – Twenty One Pilots

-

“You’re an asshole.”

Kise laughs and smirks down at Aomine to where he’s crouched down under Kise’s bathroom sink.

“This is more fun than I expected it to be, I must say.”

Aomine raises an eyebrow at Kise, standing in the door, leaning against the frame. His loose-fitting beige sweater has slid a bit down his shoulder. His arms are casually crossed over his chest and he’s leaning his weight on one leg.

“I’m gonna find all of it, just watch me.” It’s hard to keep a serious face when Kise laughs again, throwing his head back a little.

“I don’t doubt that. Want me to help you a bit?”

“Not yet.” Aomine says and starts rummaging through the drawers, opening every container and inspecting them attentively. He knows Kise’s golden eyes are on him during his search, watching him and Aomine would have to lie if he said it didn’t make his heart flutter.

“Found something?” Kise asks him making Aomine look back at him.

“Not really.” He confesses a little frustrated.

“Try the face cream.”

Aomine opens a small container that is supposed to be face cream and is astonished to find it filled to the brim with white powder.

“I already wondered how many face products one person can have.” He pours the powder into the sink, knowing Kise is still watching him. He turns on the water and lets it wash away the cocaine. He looks back up.

“You sure this is everything?”

Kise shrugs his shoulder but still grins at him. “You said you want to search my loft. Are you done?”

“Is there more?”

Kise doesn’t answer, instead his smirk gets wider and Aomine really doesn’t know what actually is so funny about this.

“You haven’t really looked into the kitchen, have you?”

Aomine shoves himself past Kise and heads for the Kitchen. Kise follows him and Aomine can sense the good mood he is in.

“Second drawer to your left.”

Aomine opens it and finds two pill bottles, one of them is almost empty the other one still sealed. He shakes them in front of Kise’s face asking again: “Is that all?” he doesn’t miss the slight flinch and how Kise’s grin wavers for a split second. He just smiles nodding his head and Aomine throws the two containers into the small trash bag he’s carrying around. It’s almost full which he really hasn’t expected. He walks around the bar and pulls Kise against his chest with one arm around his waist.

“Ryou, is that really all of it?” he frowns, searching the others face for a sign of dishonesty.

Kise sighs but doesn’t look away. “That’s all of it.”

“Please don’t lie to me.”

“I don’t. As much as it hurts, I can’t deny that. That is all I got.”

Aomine lets him go and ties the bag, meaning to go and throw it away.

“Daiki?”

“Hmh?”

“Thanks… I guess… for doing this.”

Now there’s a frown on Kise’s face as he looks out of the window, the dull winter sun hitting his face beautifully. Aomine senses his pain and sadness and walks back to him embracing him once more.

“I know this must be hard for you.”

“No you don’t. Take that and then make it ten times harder to get close to it.” Kise smiles again but this time Aomine can actually see the pain. He leans down and kisses him, trying to make him forget, knowing it probably only helps a little.

“Thank you.” Kise whispers as they pull apart. “Now go!” Aomine jumps at the slap to his ass. “Throw it out before I change my mind.”

“Don’t even think about it.” He grumbles as he heads for the door.

The last two weeks had been one of the hardest times he ever had to live through. When Kise woke up in the hospital there were still so many questions left unanswered between them. Aomine wanted nothing more than to take him home and catch up on everything they’d missed out on. But it didn’t go as he wanted it to be. Kise had to stay for one more day. They scanned his brain and his lunges for any damage and to their huge relief they found nothing. Kise had a few problems the first two days. He couldn’t walk immediately but that was mostly indebted to his body’s fatigue and the withdrawal. He suffered cramps and migraines even with the help of the substitute painkillers. They didn’t really seem to come close to the opioids he’s used to. Aomine just hoped they helped enough for Kise to make it bearable. There were moments he couldn’t tell how much Kise really showed him or hid from him. If it was out of consideration or humiliation, Aomine doesn’t know. He didn’t really care either. He was just glad he could be there with him.

Satsuki had been another reason Aomine was glad he was there. She cried again and yelled at Kise and he actually had to restrain her after she threw her fists on his chest. Kise smiled at her through his pain and didn’t say a word except for apologizing again to her. It took a few days for her to calm down completely. She called both of them idiots over and over and Aomine started fearing she’ll never get a hold of herself.

Kuroko and Akashi had been there too and Aomine had a long conversation with them about sending Kise to rehab. Apparently Akashi’s family owns a rehab center and it’s supposed to be top notch. He also talked with Kise about it, but he didn’t want to hear it. Aomine knows why he doesn’t want to go there. They would be apart for at least a month. Still he tried to convince him but Kise stopped listening and just ignored him each time he brought it up.

The others visited too, Midorima with Takao and Kagami. It had been a bit awkward but Kise had always been a master of lightening the mood and soon they were talking as if nothing had happened. When Kise was released, Aomine went with him. The doctors had explained to him Kise’s addiction, that it is far from over and that someone has to watch him and help him to go through with the withdrawal. That he will be in pain even with the prescribed painkillers. That he has to make sure he doesn’t go overboard with them and that he will want to fall back. It was a bit of a shock how clear it was that this wasn’t just an assumption that he will want to go back to his old habits. On the second night at home Aomine had to literally hold Kise down because of his pain and how desperately he begged him to let him take something. It was also a shock to him to see how addicted he really was. Kise apparently hid much more from him than he would have ever guessed.

After a week Kuroko came by to check on them. They both knew he was inspecting if they followed through with the doctors plan and that neither of them gave in. Aomine as much as Kise, and they had been relived after he left again, knowing he’s going to report to Akashi. Satsuki came by every two days. She brought Aomine a lot of clothes and other things because he refused to leave Kise even just for an hour. The most he manages is when he has to go to the bathroom. Kise started mocking him for it and tells him that it’s ridiculous, but Aomine knows that it’s necessary and also that Kise is secretly grateful to him. There are still moments Aomine can feel that Kise wants him to leave. He knows why he wants him to leave and how he is fighting himself inside. He knows these moments are temporary and as long as Kise doesn’t explicitly asks him to, he won’t say anything. If he would, he’ll still stay. Aomine had learned his lesson the hard way and he’s not about to throw all this away just because Kise suffers a moment of weakness.

When he comes back he finds Kise sitting on his couch, slouched back into the cushions and involuntarily is remembered how often he saw him like that, high on whatever he chose that day.

“Hey.” He walks around the couch and sits down so close that Kise is forced to bump into him, bringing a soft smile to his lips.

“Hey.” He whispers back.

“Whacha doing?”

“Nothing.” Kise answers his eyes still closed.

“Nothing’s glimmering?”

Kise huffs a small laugh and shakes his head.

“You know I had an idea.”

“Oh no.” Kise’s smile turns into a grin.

“When you’re better…”

“Yeah?” Kise looks up at him with his golden eyes, waiting for Aomine to go on.

“I thought we could go, and you could try and remind me again how you did that, when you beat me.”

He can see the change in Kise’s face from relaxed to shocked to pensive. Aomine is surprised when he cracks a soft smile.

“I’d really like that.”

_fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who commented, gave kudos or simply just read this.  
> Check out my tumblr if you wanna fangirl and yell over various ships with me. Evamylee0 is me.


	21. BONUS: If I can't have you I want no one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And one more because why not.  
> This is the first time I actually used a lyric in the text and I’m not sure how to feel about it.  
> I'm sorry if this feels a bit rushed but I needed a little fluff to close this Fic off completely.

WOW – Zara Larsson

-

He didn’t expect it to be this hard. The withdrawal really only took about three days, after that he felt that every last residue of the chemicals had left his body. But the sobriety with which he was left behind after that is almost worse. The withdrawal was agonizing, no use in sugarcoating that but this…

He feels empty and cold, even though his metabolism must be back to normal by now. The doctor told him that from all the drugs opioids are still one of the safest bet to recover from completely. Good news, sure. They don’t make him feel better though. Something desperate inside him still doesn’t want to think about not taking oxy ever again. He misses it…

He still has random flares of pain in his muscles and migraines and they drain him without the chance of doing something about it. He does his best to keep this to himself. To not let it show on his face when another cramp renders him immobile for a few seconds or when another headache suddenly threatens to split his skull, making his eyes water. Thankfully, they fade as quickly as they come now. He knows Aomine notices this, but he’s so done with forcing this heartbreaking expression on his face. It makes him sick to know he’s solely the reason for Aomine’s sorrow.

Cleaning out his loft was another thing he’d avoided thinking about. He knew this had to happen and he knew it should have happened way sooner, but somehow the thought that he still has a fallback comforted him. He really tries to convince himself that he wouldn’t do it, yet the possibility to just be able to open a drawer and find salvation helped so much. He’s not ready to let go.

Mental dependency seems to be his biggest problem now. Apparently to get rid of this too, he needs to go through six more months to a year and possibly even longer. There was no real answer when Aomine had asked the doctor how long this will take. Kise stayed silent when they discussed his next moves and all the treatment facilities that could help him. Akashi’s offer is still the most reasonable one, because Kise knows Aomine could come visit him there as often as he wanted to. It is not something he will spare a second thought on though.

What lead him into this were grieve and loneliness. If he would be locked away for weeks, alone with his thoughts, it is clear what will happen to him. This scared him and there is no way he will do it. Especially not now after Aomine is here with him. Not after he said those words to him. The good thing about his now sober mind is that he finally found a new resolve. He will do everything in his might to make it up to him. He won’t be the reason for Aomine’s pain ever again. They both learned from this. Kise realized he is as much to blame as Aomine. Not that _he_ ever blamed Aomine for any of this. But he can see it in his deep blue eyes and after a few days at home Aomine even opened up and told him that he regrets so many things that could have avoided it all.

Today, after Aomine’s little rampant clean out, they decided to go out for the first time in these two weeks. Kise didn’t want to at first but then he realized that since they are “ _dating_ ” they had never been out together before. Not as adults and he soon realized how fun it was to show off a little and present to Aomine his extravagant lifestyle. Not that he wanted to intimidate him or anything like that, but it were the little things. He’d dressed into a casual yet of course designer suit (Because he simply doesn’t own anything else anymore), and he could feel Aomine’s gaze on him when he thought he wouldn’t notice. Kise knows he looks good; this is probably even an understatement to be quite frank. But having Aomine appreciate him like that is still something completely different than anything else that he’s used to from his job or his fanbase and media. It is sincere and so much more personal and valuable.

They took the subway, because Aomine felt uncomfortable with Kise’s offer to get them a private chauffeur. Another thing that amused Kise, but he didn’t say anything and just complied. Aomine let Kise pick the restaurant and he decided for something private and secluded. One of the high-class Yakiniku spots downtown Shinjuku. He could feel Aomine’s containment when they arrived, and the waiter promptly brought them to a separate room upon recognizing Kise. He again didn’t say anything just mildly simpered to himself, leading Aomine through the courtesies they exchanged with the staff. When their food arrived Aomine loosened up again and since they had a room to themselves, safe from any onlookers or even possibly bypassing fans, they had a really fun and even jocular evening. All this was still tiring for Kise and on the subway ride home he almost dozed off, leaning against Aomine’s shoulder.

And now?

Now Kise is sitting here with him, curled up at his side, changed back into his loose beige sweater and sweatpants, Aomine’s arm trapped over his shoulder, watching TV. It’s late in the evening and the large window front is dark, reflecting the dim light from inside. There’s no desire in him to switch it off so he can see outside. All he wants to see is Aomine’s face. Relaxed and a little bit tired but at ease. That is really all he needs right now.

“Daiki?”

Aomine doesn’t answer, his eyes stay on the screen. The only indication that he’s listening is a soft squeeze to his hand and a slight dip of his head. Kise has been looking at him rather than whatever was on TV. Wondering if this moment of serenity is a fleeting one or if he’ll get to experience this feeling again. He wants to, no he needs to. He has to know if this will last. When Kise doesn’t say anything, Aomine finally tears his eyes from the screen and looks down, a silent question on his face.

Kise doesn’t know how to articulate what he wants to ask him. He doesn’t really know _what it is_ that he wants to ask. Those blue eyes keep boring into him, patiently waiting for his question. Kise hasn’t felt this good in a long time. Not in the last few months, years, maybe never even. He slowly reaches out and places his fingertips on the others cheek, their gazes still locked with each other.

Kise’s fingers softly travel down his cheek, over his striking jawline, over the side of his throat to the hem of his collar. He closes his hand around it and pulls him down into a kiss. He can feel the surprise in Aomine mixing with a sultry sigh. Kise knows he’s been holding himself back these past two weeks. He knows Aomine thinks he has to be considerate. He wants to pull back to say something but Kise doesn’t let him. That small effort of restrain the reluctance sends a jolt of amusement through Kise. He smirks into their kiss and slides his tongue inside the others mouth. Aomine’s arm around his shoulders automatically constricts, pulling him closer, his other hand now cupping Kise’s neck. Aomine deepens the kiss, fighting Kise’s tongue until he’s dominating it. Putting his enamoring strength to use, Aomine suddenly pushes him over, pressing his hard body onto Kise so he is caught between him and the couch. He can see the desire glinting in those blue eyes when Aomine lifts his head to look down on him.

Sensually lowering his lashes, a wicked grin spreads on Kise’s face as he whispers: “What are you waiting for?” Aomine’s eyes darken and he clenches his jaw.

“Are you sure?” he whispers back hoarse and obviously still fighting himself inside.

Kise locks his legs around his waist, making their groins press against each other and leisurely moves his hips. The slow drag of material against Aomine’s already half hard cock elicits a frustrated groan from him, letting Kise know just how much he held himself back. Aomine presses his eyes shut and Kise takes that as an unspoken request for more. He slightly bucks his hips to let him feel how equally bad he wants this. Aomine’s head falls to his chest, muttering a curse under his breath making Kise laugh.

“Daiki?”

Aomine cracks his eyes open, frowning up at him and Kise knows he’s already won.

“You gotta tell me if you want me to stop.” Kise purrs and empathies his words with another slow drag of his groin against Aomine’s jeans. Aomine gives another frustrated growl, throwing his head back before sinking down again and biting into the nape of Kise’s neck. His breath hitches, his arms winding around Aomine’s neck as their bodies press flush against each other.

It feels different than when he was high. He can take in everything that Aomine does. The warm pressure of his tall body against his is so comforting. The small noises he makes, always trying to hide his excitement when Kise moves, rubbing up against him. Everything is so clear and imprinting in his mind. Has he really forgotten how beautiful this man truly is? How his tan skin stretches over hard planes of muscle and how they tense when he moves. Kise grabs his t-shirt wanting to get rid of it, needing to see more of him. He yanks at it until Aomine finally gives in and lets him pull it over his head. He throws it somewhere over their heads, hastily pulling Aomine into another sensual press of lips before he lets his hands roam over his broad chest while giving a long and slow lick over his throat, tasting the slight perspiration that had already formed there.

“Fuck me!” He orders breathlessly against the now wet skin and the response is immediate. Aomine’s arms wind around him again, flexing as he’s suddenly picked up and carried towards the bedroom. A joyous laugh bubbles up in his throat. He sinks his head trailing soft kisses along the side of Aomine’s neck until they are falling onto the bed, still entangled with each other. A small gasp escapes him after he’s pushed into the mattress by Aomine’s weight.

“You’re awful.”

Aomine’s complain falls hot against his lips before Aomine’s mouth travels down his throat. He seals his mouth over the side of his neck and _sucks_. Kise squirms still with a silent smile on his lips, the sensation is so intense he knows this is meant to leave a mark on him. Aomine isn’t very lenient and bites down hard before he pulls away. Kise is left panting just from that.

A flash flood of possessiveness crashes over Aomine when he looks down at him, his face flushed, his golden stare practically burning through the darkness up at him. He strips Kise from his sweater and marvels at his still unbelievably ripped body. The lean muscles that make him appear slimmer than he really is. The pale glow of his immaculate skin. He bends down, gently capturing one pink nipple between his teeth, licking over it and Kise moans softly. Those beautiful noises he makes when Aomine indulges him, he’ll never get tired of it. He wants to hear them over and over again. He wants to be the reason for it and the only one who ever gets to hear them. He mouths his way down over his chest, his stomach, licking down the prominent ridge of the V underneath his hipbones. With his teeth he pulls open the band of Kise’s sweatpants, hooks his fingers around the hem and pulls them down.

He stops, staring down at what is laid out in front of him and Kise’s smile turns soft though not really losing the mischievous glint in his eyes.

“C’mere.” He breathes and Aomine mindlessly follows his every request, bending down, crawling over him until their lips meet again in a searing hot kiss. Kise wraps his arms around Aomine’s shoulders and swiftly rolls them over. The perplexed look on his face brings another smirk to Kise’s face. He sits up, straddling Aomine’s thighs, sliding his hands down his body. Slightly digging his blunt nails into the tan skin, just enough to leave faint scratch marks. Feeling the muscles tense underneath his touch. He knows Aomine is watching him intently, leaning back, his arms crossed beneath his head. The dark look on his face lets Kise draw in a sharp breath and he shudders. He reaches down and opens the fly of Aomine’s jeans, pulling him free from his confinement. An approving low hum from Aomine is heard when Kise wraps his long fingers around the base. He starts pumping his fist, leading Aomine’s eyes to fall shut, bucking his hips to meet his firm strokes.

That sight, of this powerful man having his eyes closed, pressing his head back into the pillows, the muscles of his arms and stomach rippling with contractions at each stroke of his hand, it’s too intriguing. When Kise slides his thumb over his slit, catching the first drop of precome and smearing it over his head, he elicits a low moan from Aomine.

Kise’s patience is running out and he bends down, wetting his lips before he licks over his slit, tasting him on his tongue, before sealing his lips around his shaft. Aomine’s hips involuntarily thrust upward and he has to swallow around him to take him in further. Aomine’s fingers rake through his hair, pushing him down even more until he’s buried to hilt. Kise shallowly breathes through his nose, trying to stay like that as long as he can. He swallows again, constricting around the throbbing cock in his mouth, enjoying the loud groan from above. Aomine fists a hand full of Kise’s hair and pulls him away, but Kise only takes in one sharp breath and starts sucking him off hollowing his cheeks against his length.

It doesn’t take long before it becomes too much for Aomine. He doesn’t want to come so soon after all. He pulls Kise off again, though regretting it when his wet cock is left out in the cold air. Aomine’s eyes land on his lovers gaze and find the most illegally seductive expression on the blond’s face. His lips slightly apart, glistening and swollen, his eyes half lidded with lust and looking completely debauched. Another low and possessive rumble erupts in his chest. He sits up and grabs Kise’s jaw with his hand, guiding him towards his own face, crashing their lips together. Kise moans into the kiss and Aomine answers with another deep appreciative hum. He topples them over and breaks the kiss, grabbing the back of Kise’s thighs to push them up.

“Ah Dai- HAH!”

Kise’s hands claw into the bedsheets when Aomine sinks his head and starts licking his entrance. His hot tongue sending jolts up his spine and he soon is left gasping, thrashing his head from one side to the other.

Aomine grabs his ass cheeks with both hands and bites into that firm flesh. “Oh GOD Daiki HAHH!”

“This is what you wanted right?”

Kise can hear the smug grin on Aomine and involuntarily tilts his head back. He’s not deeming his lovers cockiness with an answer and simply wraps his legs around his neck.

“Don’t talk so much.” He almost hisses, but Aomine has already gone back to licking and sucking the sensitive skin around his entrance. This is becoming too much and Aomine must’ve noticed it too because soon he finally comes back up, his cocky grin still intact making Kise huff weakly at him. Before he can do anything else though he feels a finger probing around his entrance. The smirk on Aomine’s face gets a lazy edge to it and somehow this makes him look even more cocky.

When a finger enters him Kise arches his back and has to hold onto Aomine. Then another one and Kise swears he could come any second. He cracks open his eyes just a slit wide and sees Aomine frowning down on him with interest, concentrating his head slightly tipped back watching his face and every response he can get out of him. When he crooks his fingers, pressing down on the spot he knows will make him melt, Kise cries out. He comes and shoots his load onto their stomachs, hot and sticky. His muscles constrict around the fingers inside him and he hopes he breaks them because Aomine’s smirk is back, satisfied with himself as it seems.

He’s nice enough though to let him catch his breath. Making him flinch once more when he retracts his fingers and sinks down beside him. His head propped on his hand, Aomine watches Kise panting and sighing.

“Done already?” He asks mockingly but the smile on his lips is affectionate and warm this time.

Kise glares at him through the haze of his afterglow. “I’ll never be done with you.” He taunts back but his words achieve a reaction from Aomine that he did not expect. His eyes widen for a split second and his features turn blank. The clench in his jaw is back and he furrows his brows.

“Are you sure?”

Kise blinks, still a little foggy in his mind. “What do you mean?”

Aomine hesitates before he clarifies his question. “Are you sure you’ll never get tired of me?” His blue eyes are adamantly fixed on Kise’s face, making him falter.

“You… you still doubt me?” the question comes out more of a whisper than anything else, perplexed as he is. Aomine’s gaze drops down and Kise can see the shame, and then he understands. Aomine doesn’t doubt him. He’s doubting himself, he’s insecure. Never in his life Kise thought to see this particular emotion on Aomine. Cocky, smug grin, no one can beat me but me Aomine Daiki.

“Y-you do remember… what I… that I…-“ Kise stutters as he has to fight to find the right words. They never mentioned his attempted suicide out loud, ever. “How can you possibly think I wouldn’t want to be with you for the rest of my life?”

Something resembling hurt briefly flashes over Aomine’s face before he looks to the side, hiding from Kise.

“Daiki look at me.”

It takes a moment before he does and Kise reaches out, running his hand down the side of his face. “Do you really think that?”

Aomine still has problems holding his stare and rolls his eyes with a small, annoyed sound. “Not when you ask me like that, no.”

A breathless huff escapes Kise and a smile tugs at the corner of his lips.

“I mean, we never said that… we never talked about this… like URGH goddamnit!”

“Yes!” Kise interrupts his incomprehensible gibberish. “Daiki! Yes!... if I can’t have you I want no one.”

Aomine’s expression becomes astray, he shuts his eyes and leans in to press his lips to Kise’s in a desperate attempt not to break down. “I love you.” He murmurs into it as they share the same air with their hot breaths mingling. “I love you too.” Kise smiles against his lips before his words are swallowed by another deep kiss. This is what he wanted. This is all he ever wanted and now he finally has it. Daiki belongs to him and he belongs to Daiki. Kise has to fight a small nagging sensation. Something makes his gut clench uncomfortably and his heart starts stinging. They could’ve had this so much sooner.

He doesn’t know if it’s the post coital rush of hormones in his system or if he’s just too overwhelmed from everything that happened, but he suddenly feels a wave of regret wash over him. He has to retreat from their kiss and to his silent wonder, Aomine doesn’t ask him what’s wrong. He doesn’t search his face and simply pulls him against his chest. Winding his arms around him, sifting his fingers though his blond hair, up the back of his head.

…

“Satsuki was right huh?” Aomine says after a long silence.

Kise perks up, not really understanding the amused tone in Aomine’s voice all of a sudden and also not really knowing why she is even coming to his mind right now.

“We are both such fucking idiots.”

Kise can’t help but chuckle at that. “I’ll tell her that you said that.”

“Don’t you dare!”

Another giggle bubbles up in Kise throat, but Aomine stifles it with his lip sealing over his, angling his body to roll on top of him.

This time they don’t fuck. They make love and it feels so much better then everything he’s ever experienced. No high, no passionate but frustrated fucking, nothing has ever felt this good. Knowing this feeling will last, that they will last. After all they’ve been through there was no doubt about it anymore. Whatever might come their way they will manage it, together. For the first time in the past three years Kise feels whole again. He doesn’t miss his highs, no he doesn’t even want to think about it. They only remind him of a dark time now and are rendered down to just a bad memory.

Aomine can make him forget. The sensual way their bodies slide against each other feels ethereal. The familiar pressure when he enters him is blinding. They move in sync. One hand Aomine has at the small of his back for support, the other pinning his wrists above his head. Kise doesn’t fight him. He melts against him and into his touch. The slow thrusts sending wave and wave of pleasure through him. He knows Aomine is close, not having had his relief yet. He twirls his hips, grinding against him, taking him to the hilt. He can feel the heat pooling in his abdomen when Aomine’s movements become erratic and unrhythmic. He winds his legs around Aomine’s waist, locking him in, using Aomine’s hold on his wrists as aid to shove himself further down. With one last roll of his hips Aomine breaks. A deep moan breaks from his lips and he topples over, his face pressing against Kise’s shoulder, biting down into his collarbone, his thrusts become more peremptory. Kise’s arms fly up to hold him there, feeling the hot pulse of his cock inside him. He can’t hold out any longer himself, frantically shoving his right arm between their bodies and starts jerking himself. Aomine’s body goes slack against his when Kise follows suit, clamping down on Aomine’s still hard dick, making him cry out once more in sensory overload. Hearing _that sound_ from Aomine for the first time, his spasms intensify once more, and his vision is blinded by searing white.

They are a panting sweating mess, clutching to each other. Aomine’s vision is still swimming, too tired to try and regain focus. He doesn’t want to move and stays buried to the hilt in Kise. Their hearts are hammering inside their ribcages as they slowly come down together.

“ _This_ is what I wanted.” Kise breathes into Aomine’s hair.

“Hmmm.” His face still buried against Kise’s skin, Aomine hums knowingly. “’Coulda just said so…” he adds tired and Kise chuckles weakly.

“How do you feel?” Aomine’s voice gets a slightly serious edge to it when he ask his question.

“Fucking fantastic.” Kise grins with his eyes still closed and Aomine is glad he raised his head in time to see it.

This is what they both wanted. And now they finally have it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter, but I'm considering making this into a series. So if you liked it, watch out for a second part.  
> And thank you again to everyone who read or even enjoyed this work.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are as always appretiated and please note the english is not my first language so if you wanna point out any mistakes I'd be very grateful as well. :)


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